Laid Off For Xmas | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Laid Off For Xmas 

Eight soft-touch layoff e-mails for the holidays.

Pin It
Favorite
click to enlarge art9959widea.jpg

Eight soft-touch layoff e-mails for the holidays (CCed to HR):

8. "All employees: If you drew Susan's name in Secret Santa, please discard. Susan: I need to see you in my office."

7. "That was a lovely gift basket you brought in yesterday. Think the contents of your desk would fit in it?"

6. "Holiday hint: Unlike impersonal e-cards, real Christmas cards can be burned for heat."

5. "Another holiday hint: With the right prep, your Christmas ham from the company can feed you for at least a month."

4. "So, remember how you thought those after-work stripper-pole classes were a waste of time?"

3. "Since we´ve just learned that you're Jewish, note that this e-mail should have gone out on Dec. 11."

2. "Will everyone who made fun of Mr. Hansen's festive holiday sweater at the office party please report to the south parking lot."

1. "Christmas is a time to be with family, and you're really going to appreciate how much time we´ve given you."

Pin It
Favorite

Speaking of The Ocho

  • Get a Job!

    8 red-flag phrases in local Craigslist job listings
    • May 7, 2014
  • Drinko de Mayo

    8 gringo drink specials to avoid on Cinco de Mayo
    • Apr 30, 2014
  • Utah ... Man?

    8 proposed "inclusive" lyric changes to the University of Utah's fight song
    • Apr 9, 2014
  • More »

More by Bill Frost

  • Spandex Dreams

    GLOW glorifies the ladies of '80s wrestling; Preacher is back and ballistic.
    • Jun 21, 2017
  • It's Art-ish!

    Eight new attractions at the 2017 Utah Arts Festival.
    • Jun 21, 2017
  • Cowboy B-Slop

    The Ranch and Turn are almost done; T.J. Miller gets Meticulously Ridiculous.
    • Jun 14, 2017
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • It's Art-ish!

    Eight new attractions at the 2017 Utah Arts Festival.
    • Jun 21, 2017
  • Modest is Hottest

    Eight new Utah "modest fashion" shops opening just in time for summer.
    • Jun 14, 2017
  • Patchouli Hell

    Eight fun facts about Dead & Company, playing Usana Amphitheatre on June 7:
    • Jun 7, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ocho, Out

    8 reasons The Ocho has been canceled
    • Nov 4, 2015
  • The Rest of the Best Ofs

    Eight more bold, fresh ideas coming from The Salt Lake Tribune after their local “Best of” Salt Awards
    • Sep 28, 2016

© 2017 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation