ARIES (March 21-April 19)
I’m betting that in a couple of months the fates will give you
license to play with boisterous gambles and exhilarating risks.
But at this particular moment I recommend that you confine
yourself to tame gambles and sensible risks. I realize that may
be a bit deflating to your rambunctious all-or-nothing spirit, but
I think it’ll pay off in the long run. From what I can tell, this is an
excellent time to lay the groundwork for the bigger fun ahead.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
The oracle you’re now reading normally has a retail value of
$49.95. But because of your ongoing efforts to defeat your
defeatist tendencies, and because of your dogged attempts to
sabotage your sabotage mechanisms, and because of your heroic
stabs at defending yourself against your defense mechanisms,
you have earned the right to receive this advice absolutely gratis!
To generate even more free stuff in the coming week, Taurus, all
you have to do is learn how to turn around so fast that you can catch
a glimpse of the back of your own head, and how to pat yourself on
the back with both hands while kicking your own butt.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Seventeen-year-old Jay Greenberg is a music prodigy who has written
numerous sonatas and symphonies. His first CD, performed by the
London Symphony Orchestra and Julliard String Quartet, came out
in 2006. It’s not exactly a struggle for him to create his compositions.
He often completes them in less than a day. “The music comes fully
written,” he says, “playing like an orchestra in my head.” I believe
you now have something in common with him, Gemini. According
to my reading of the omens, there will soon be ripe visions of future
accomplishments floating around in your imagination. You should
write them down or describe them in detail to an ally or do whatever
else it takes to launch the process of getting them born.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
“You may want to smash a painful emotion to bits, but you can’t
blow it up with a nuclear bomb,” wrote Tsoknyi Rinpoche in his
book Fearless Simplicity. What makes the situation even more
poignant is that the painful emotion may be based on a wrong
interpretation of experience. It may also be caused by some
faulty conditioning that got imprinted on your sensitive psyche
when you were a toddler. Having said that, Cancerian, I’m pleased
to inform you that you currently have the power to significantly
dissipate the intensity of a certain painful emotion you thought
you’d never shake. To initiate the process, invoke forgiveness in
every way you can imagine—toward those who hurt you, those
who ignored you, those who misled you, and you yourself.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
“I can’t exactly walk on the water,” says Russ Crim, “but it
looks like I can, because I know where the rocks are hiding just
beneath the water.” This would be a good trick for you to emulate
during the coming weeks, Leo. By doing your homework and
some advance scouting, you could put yourself in a position to
accomplish a splashy bit of hocus-pocus that will ultimately
be legendary. To help ensure that you don’t generate a karmic
backlash as you glorify your ego, I suggest you find a way to make
your magic serve some worthy cause. For instance, maybe you
could walk on water in order to raise money for charity.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
When I was 19 years old, a so-called psychic predicted I would die
when I was 24. As much as I scoffed at his careless quackery, his
words subliminally worried me for years. On the day I turned 25,
I celebrated extra hard. Partly because of that experience, I’ve
always tried to be impeccably conscientious about how I conduct
myself as a fortune-teller. I’ve vowed never to manipulate you
with melodramatic prophecies that could distort your free will.
So it’s with a cautious sense of responsibility that I offer the
following augury: The weeks ahead could be one of the most
illuminating and successful times of the last five years.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I suspect that this is a turning point in your relationship with your
fantasies. It’s not enough merely to keep musing about them
with wistful longing. You can’t afford to continue postponing
their activation until some mythical future. If you want to keep
them from receding into a hazy limbo, you will need to give at
least one of them a big push toward becoming a more concrete
part of your life. The universe will provide ample assistance if you
do give that push.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Attention all aspiring lottery winners! If you will ever in your life
win more than $10 in the lottery or similar game of chance, this
would probably be the time. I’m not saying you definitely will. I’m
simply suggesting that your odds are better than usual—certainly
better than the chances that you’ll be invited by Brad Pitt to costar
with him in a feature film about alien pirates set in 22ndcentury
Madagascar. On the other hand, the possibility of a dumbluck
windfall is still rather remote compared to the likelihood of
other kinds of financial progress. For instance, there’s an excellent
chance that you’ll stimulate the flow of good fiscal karma if you
spend quality time taking inventory of your approach to money and
developing a long-term master plan to promote your prosperity.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Would you say you’re closer to the “happy wanderer” model of
Sagittarian, or the “eternal fugitive” type? Does your motive
power usually come from the desire to head in the general
direction of some attractive destination, or else to flee from
every situation you’re nervous about getting hemmed in by? Are
you more inclined to shoot at multiple targets, hoping that one
of them may turn out to be the correct one for you to aim at? Or
do you prefer to identify the best target right from the start, and
only then begin shooting? The coming weeks will be an excellent
time to meditate on these core Sagittarian issues.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
In astrology, the word “quincunx” refers to a relationship
characterized by creative tension. Two planets that are in
quincunx are like two people who have a certain odd affinity
for each other but don’t speak the same language. Imagine an
Italian woman and an American man meeting at a party and
experiencing an immediate chemistry, even though each can
barely understand what the other is saying. I bring this up,
Capricorn, because these days you’re in a quincunx dynamic with
pretty much the whole world. To keep frustration to a minimum
and enhance the excitement quotient, you should try to crack
some of the foreign codes you’re surrounded by.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Philosopher Buckminster Fuller said that although we are all
born geniuses, the process of living tends to de-genius us. That’s
the bad news. The good news is that 2009 is one of the best years
ever for you to re-genius yourself, and the month of June is among
the best times in 2009. So how should you go about the glorious
task of tapping in to the totality of your original brilliance? Here’s
one tip. Do what Einstein said: “All I want to do is learn the way
God thinks. All the rest is details.”
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Dear Rob: I’ve recently developed a propensity to talk to myself.
This is pretty weird. All these years, I’ve barely uttered a few
words to myself on special occasions. Now I’m having long,
convoluted gabfests, as if the little voices in my head had busted
out of their holding cells, run amuck, and decided to never shut
up! Am I crazy? —Out Loud Pisces.” Dear Out Loud: It’s a good
sign that you’re getting all the murmuring background noise out
in the open. Not just for you but for many Pisceans, thoughts and
feelings that had been hidden or secret are becoming available to
your conscious mind. Once you clear out the backlog, the really
useful revelations will begin.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.