CANCER (June 21-July 22)
I think you’re
ready to stand up and reclaim your power from the soul-sucking
influences that have been swindling you. But you don’t have to turn this
showdown into a melodramatic epic that brings down the house or blows
up the world. In fact, I think it’s better if you stay low-key as you
transform the dynamics that have been grinding you down. The adjustments
may be nowhere near as major as you imagine. Why? Because most of what
you need to do is make shifts in your own attitude. The necessary
changes in outer circumstances will arise naturally once you’ve done
that.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
If I were writing
the story of your life as a fairy tale, the current chapter would be
filled with enchanted events. You’d hear animals’ thoughts in your head
and you’d remember your past lives. You’d be able to find accurate
oracles in the shapes of clouds, the ringing of distant bells, and the
patterns of shadows on the sidewalk. You would see the help that’s
invisible to everyone else and know what to do in order to get the love
you want. Take advantage of the available mojo, Leo. Use it to set
people free, including yourself.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
How skilled are
you at getting things done and making things happen? This is different
from just being busy; it’s not the same as scrambling around attending
to whatever tasks are at the forefront of your attention. I’m talking
about actually cranking out excellent results that manifest a
comprehensive vision of your intentions. I’m talking about working hard
and smart to serve the big picture, not working frenetically and
mechanically to rid yourself of nervous mental energy. You’re in a phase
when these themes are especially important, Virgo. Be a master of the
details; don’t let the details master you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
In her essay
“Write Till You Drop,” author Annie Dillard offers advice to aspiring
writers. I’m going to quote a certain passage that happens to be apropos
for you Libras right now. “Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it,
all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for later ...
give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good
for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more
will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind,
from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to
yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive.
Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.”
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
In a Rolling
Stone interview, musician John Mayer suggested that Tiger Woods
could have avoided his terrible troubles if he had just chosen to
masturbate more. Rather than literally acting out his obsessive sexual
urges with a jillion women who weren’t his wife, why not contain them in
the fantasy realm? I suggest you consider applying this principle as
you make your decisions in the coming weeks, Scorpio—not just in regards
to your sexual life, but in other areas as well. There may be times
when you could prevent an influx of unnecessary chaos simply by
conducting a conversation in your imagination rather than by having it
with the actual person who seems to be agitating or enthralling you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
There are
very few people who can lick their own elbows, and up until now you have
probably not been one of them. Judging from the current astrological
configurations, however, I’m guessing that a lot of you Sagittarians are
about to be more flexible, limber, and acrobatic than usual—not just in
your mental attitudes but possibly even in your physical abilities. At
least metaphorically speaking, you’ll be able to bend over backwards
without damaging your dignity. You could also stretch and twist yourself
into poses that have previously been impossible. So who knows? Maybe
you’ll find a way to plant a kiss on your own elbow.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
The TV comedy
series Community takes place on the sleepy campus of a community
college. It features the hijinks of seven misfits who are older and
weirder than their fellow students. In one episode, an inept female
security guard chases the lead character, Jeff, hoping to catch and cite
him for a farcical misdemeanor. As she races along, shouting for him to
stop, she takes out her can of pepper spray and shoots several streams
in his direction. The cloud of noxious stuff doesn’t reach him, but she
runs face-first into it as she continues her pursuit. It irritates her
eyes and forces her to halt. Later, in telling her associate what
happened, she says she was the victim of “self-inflicted friendly fire.”
I worry that you’ll soon be tempted to carry out a metaphorical version
of that, Capricorn. Please don’t.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Here’s how
author Leo Buscaglia described the rigorous requirements for being a
great lover. You must “continually have the subtlety of the very wise,
the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the
understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the
tolerance of the scholar, and the fortitude of the certain.” I’m sorry
to report that no one I’ve ever known has met those high standards! In
the coming weeks, however, you Aquarians will have the potential to get
halfway there. Life will conspire to boost every effort you make to be a
great lover.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Recently I was
remembering the names of streets near the house where I grew up in Allen
Park, Michigan. Although I didn’t register it at the time, they were
lyrical, euphonious, and evocative: Philomene, Shenandoah, Osage, Luana,
Cleophus, Gahona. As I walked and played on them day after day for
years, my imagination breathed in the magic of their exotic sounds,
unobtrusively nurturing my poetic sensibilities. I bring this up,
Pisces, in the hope of inspiring a comparable rumination in you. Think
back on the riches of the past whose importance to your development you
may have underestimated. It’s a good time to reconnect with the power
and glory of influences that brought out the best in you almost without
your knowledge.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
If you’d like to be in supreme alignment with cosmic rhythms this week, I suggest that you completely avoid using the f-word. Likewise, you’ll maximize your chances for taking advantage of fate’s currents if you refrain from ever using the s-word, the c-word, the m-word, and the b-word. As a general rule, the more precise and the less lazy you are in using language, the more willpower you’ll have and the better able you’ll be to attract the experiences you want. It’s always invigorating to choose your words creatively and kindly, of course, but especially now.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
If you grow a mere acre of peanuts, in a good year you’ll harvest a big enough crop to make 30,000 peanut butter sandwiches. That might be more than you need. If you just plant enough peanuts to fill a basketball court, you’ll still have enough to make over 3,200 sandwiches, which would provide you with more than eight every day for a year. This is a good phase of your astrological cycle to be thinking thoughts like these, Taurus. You will have more insight and motivation than usual if you formulate long-term plans to create abundance for yourself.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.