Judging Mormonism 

I never thought I’d agree with Christian fundamentalists, but they may be right about some Mormons not being Christians.

But, before I’m totally denounced by LDS friends, let me continue.

I don’t think most Christians are Christians, either. According to the red-printed words (supposedly the words of Jesus) in the New Testament, one is taught: Judge not lest you be judged, forgive your trespasses as you would forgive others, remove the mote from your own eye before trying to remove the splinter from another, don’t throw the first stone, etc.

Mormons not only judge their own members, they label all those with different beliefs as apostates. Mormons condemn LGBT people as sinners. The latest edict from on high says that one should love these people. But these same people are not to act upon their basic instincts. This is similar to trying to love a dog as long as it doesn’t bark or to accept a fish as long as it doesn’t swim.

Most of the hatred and condemning by LDS and other fundamental religions comes from the Old Testament or from the teachings of Joseph Smith or Brigham Young. Best as I can tell, Jesus came along and said, “Don’t believe a lot of that stuff that Dad said. It was of another time and, let’s face it, the old man had some anger-management issues.”

But what an ego rush for people to think they are the chosen people of God! It’s like being teacher’s pet. Most of us have wished bad things might happen to that love interest who jilted us, or even worse things might happen to that person who replaced us in the eyes of our beloved.

But these feelings are downright Christian compared to those who condemn nonbelievers to eternal damnation. Most modern countries condemn torture, even for serial killers. Yet, many so-called Christians seem to delight in believing that “others” outside the fold will suffer severe burns, constant torment and the forced breathing of sulphur fumes for all of eternity.

Of course, LDS members could break some of these “sinners” out of hell by their baptism of the dead. But such rescued souls would probably need extensive treatment in a burn center, psychological counseling and extensive skin grafts before being in shape to enter the Celestial Kingdom, or even the two lesser Mormon heavens.

People suffering from low self-esteem are always easy targets for belief systems that assure them they’ll immediately be better than those “others.” Plus, new recruits are guaranteed free transportation and first-class accommodations in that group’s particular heaven. All one has to do is die—before any doubt sets in.

Interestingly enough, most religions were founded by men who had too much time on their hands and too much testosterone. Surprise—most of these religions’ afterlives resemble the Hugh Hefner mansion.

As for LDS women, they can only get into the Celestial Kingdom if and when their earthly husbands reach out and call them by their secret names. Why would any man who still has a working prostate want his old wife to mess up the fun he’s having with all these young groupies on his own planet? But, I suppose someone has to fix funeral potatoes and green Jell-O for the horny late husband and all of his new friends.

After all, don’t Mormon men teach that, even though women have limited rights, they do have a special place in the eyes of Heavenly Father?

TED OTTINGER
Taylorsville