Ideal Candidate 

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Curses, Foiled Again!
After a two-car crash in Williamsport, Pa., injured one driver, the other sped from the scene. Before he’d gone a block, his car broke down, so he fled on foot. Investigating Patrolman Dustin Reeder found the car and discovered a wallet in the center console with a driver’s license belonging to Scott Lee Applegate, 50. Just then, Applegate returned to retrieve a case of beer he’d forgotten. Reeder spotted him with the beer and, after a brief chase, detained him. Drunk driving was one of several charges filed. (Williamsport Sun-Gazette)

When managers of a jewelry store at a shopping mall in Naples, Fla., discovered items missing, they identified Andrew Alexander Roberts, 26, who’d been working at the store only five days, as the culprit. Surveillance cameras caught him taking cash and jewelry, some of which he then sold to another store in the mall. When confronted, according to the arrest report, Roberts told management to “discount it from his paycheck.” (Naples Daily News)

Ideal Candidate
Republicans filed a federal lawsuit to stop Nevada from listing “none of these candidates” on ballots. It’s the only state that lets voters actively choose none of the above instead of passively just not voting. GOP officials acknowledged that “none” could attract enough votes from disgruntled anti-Obama voters who might otherwise vote for Mitt Romney to give Nevada’s six hotly contested electoral votes to the president. “None” has won some primary elections and siphoned off votes that might have benefited candidates, notably Sen. Harry Reid, who in 1998 beat his Republican challenger by 400 votes, with “none” capturing 8,000. (National Journal)

Joyful Noise unto the Lord
When neighbors complained that Betty Jones, 54, was playing music too loudly, police in Bristol, Tenn., said she told them she spends five hours every Sunday praising the Lord by listening to the music of Johnny Cash, the Judds, Alan Jackson, Elvis Presley and others, and that she would continue to listen to it how she wanted. The officers cited her and left but returned after more complaints and arrested her for disorderly conduct and violating the city’s noise ordinance. She admitted that on the second police visit, “I was going off and cussing.” (Bristol’s WCYB-TV)

More Than Its Cheese Has Holes
Referendum-happy Swiss voters held a referendum to decide whether there should be a referendum to limit referendums. Switzerland holds half a dozen national referendums a year and many more local ones. The proposal, which would’ve required a national vote whether to endorse or reject every important international agreement the government signs, was rejected by 75.2 percent of the voters. One anti-referendum poster declared, “Too much democracy kills democracy.” (Associated Press)

Blinded by Delight
Modesty patrols in Jerusalem’s ultra-Orthodox Jewish community began selling special spectacles that prevent men from having to glimpse women. The glasses, which cost $8, have lenses that let men see clearly for a few yards ahead of them so they can walk. Everything beyond that, however, is a blur, including women who flout the ultra-Orthodox interpretation of religious law that dictates women appearing in public wear closed-neck, long-sleeved blouses and long skirts. Besides the blur-inducing glasses, which sell for $8, the insular community’s unofficial modesty patrols offer hoods and shields that block peripheral vision. (Associated Press)

When Guns Are Outlawed
When two men entered a family grocery store in New Bedford, Mass., showed the clerk a gun and reached for cash from the register, the owner’s 80-year-old mother-in-law grabbed a box of mangoes and lobbed at least five of them at the men before one of them hit her in the head with the gun. The men fled with cash, but owner Manuel Nogueira gave chase and captured one of them. Police caught the other one. (Boston’s WHDH-TV)

  Nehemiah Winters, 35, pleaded no contest to stealing a can of beer from a woman sitting on her front porch in Lincoln, Neb. The 21-year-old victim said Winters walked up to her twice and asked for her beer. She refused, but when he returned a third time, he revealed something in his waistband that she thought was a knife and gave him the beer. She then called police, who arrested Winters with a partial can of beer and what turned out to be a fork. (Lincoln Journal Star)

  Oklahoma City police arrested Ginger Lynn Johnson, 33, for stabbing her boyfriend in the stomach and back with a power drill. (The Oklahoman)

Slow-Speed Getaway
David Driver reported that 1,600 turtles made a break for it after vandals tore down or stole metal fencing at his turtle farm in Summerville, Ga. Driver, who sells the turtles he raises to pet shops and to China, where they’re eaten, said the escaped reptiles—all native species such as common snappers, Eastern paints and yellow-bellied sliders—headed for nearby ponds and creeks, costing him the bulk of four years’ worth of work. (Tennessee’s Chattanooga Times Free Press)

USA! USA! USA!
A study identifying the world’s 122 laziest countries, reported in the British medical journal “The Lancet,” ranked the United States 46th. Physical activity was the determining factor. Malta was the laziest, Greece the least lazy. (Forbes)

  A survey of energy efficiency in the world’s 12 major industrial powers ranked the United States ninth. Only Brazil, Canada and Russia scored lower, according to the American Council for an Energy-Efficient Economy’s International Energy-Efficiency’s Scorecard. The most energy-efficient country is the United Kingdom. (The Washington Times)

  A National Geographic Society and GlobeScan survey of environmental attitudes and behavior among 17,000 consumers in 17 countries ranked Americans last when it comes to practicing sustainable behavior involving housing, transportation, food and consumer goods. Despite finishing last since the survey began in 2008, only 21 percent of Americans reported feeling guilty about their impact on the environment. The survey found consumers in India, China and Brazil are the greenest but feel the most guilt about their environmental impact (National Geographic)

Distracted Driver
A tow-truck operator notified police in Fort Pierce, Fla., that he pulled alongside a Jeep Cherokee and observed that the driver was naked and masturbating. A police officer who stopped the vehicle reported that when he asked Robert Casey, 49, why he was driving naked, “Casey stated he has problems with this and he is getting therapy.” The officer then found a toy pistol tied to Casey’s leg, part of which was hidden in his rectum and part tied around his genitals. (West Palm Beach’s WPBF-TV)

Compiled from the press reports by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.