“ICE Barbie” Kristi Noem’s big meal deal in DC. 

She may be the secretary of Homeland Security, but “ICE Barbie” Kristi Noem couldn't keep her $4,000 designer handbag secure while snarfing down a double cheese and fries at a D.C. burger joint.

Oh, by the way, there was three grand in cold cash in the designer handbag, along with her passport, driver license, makeup, medication, government ID and check book. It was literally taken right out from under her.

The Homeland Security chief got branded with the “ICE Barbie” moniker after she made an appearance on Fox News in a full Border Patrol uniform, complete with green hat and top, as well as full makeup and long pearl earrings. She later showed up for a photo op at a notorious gulag in El Salvador in hiking pants, a tight, tight long-sleeve T-shirt and ball cap. Oh yeah, and a $50,000 Rolex in prominent display.

Noem likes to put on the dog: when she came on NBC's “Meet the Press,” she sported a big cream-colored cowboy hat. What's a Homeland Security secretary without a costume? A star is born.

Pretty boy Pete Hegseth, the secretary of Defense, can't hold a candle to ICE Barbie. Of course, Noem has had a lot of practice. As South Dakota governor, she participated in the state's “Freedom Works Here” campaign through TV ads where she dressed up as a state trooper, a welder, a plumber, a dentist, an electrician, a nurse and a construction worker.

Make believe is so much fun and never so important as it is in the Trump administration.

Burgess Owens Can Catch a Football and Toss Red Herrings
Boy, Utah Congressman Burgess Owens knows how to catch a football. In the 1970s, he was one of only a few African Americans to be recruited by the University of Miami Hurricanes. He went on to play in the NFL for the New York Giants and the Los Angeles Raiders, including when that team won the Super Bowl in 1980.

If that doesn't qualify you for Congress, what does? Well of course, in Utah you have to be a Republican, or not even a Super Bowl ring can get you elected.

In 2020, Owens narrowly defeated Democratic Rep. Ben McAdams, thanks to a huge bank roll from the Republican National Committee and his purchase of TV ads that proudly proclaimed, “Burgess Owens is Utah.” Maybe it should have been, “Burgess Owens is a Carpetbagger.”

Burgess hates DEI programs—diversity, equity and inclusion—that he and his GOP colleagues say discriminate against white men. During last fall's campaign he called Democratic nominee Kamala Harris a “DEI hire,” meaning she got the job because she is a woman and she's black. That's pretty rich, Uncle Burgess.

These days, Burgess is in lockstep with the president and is seeking to codify Donald Trump's executive order on DEI and college accreditation. The “A.C.E. Act” would keep college accreditors from applying standards related to DEI in their analyses.

Says Burgess, we don't want “colleges putting ideologies and their thought process into our kids’ minds.” Burgess can not only catch footballs, he can throw out red herrings, too.

Polls Lie—Trump Orders Probe of “Election Fraud”
Sinking poll numbers have President Donald J. Trump in a tizzy. “Fake polls from fake organizations” should be investigated for fraud, Trump exclaimed.

The latest New York Times/Siena Poll found just 42% of registered voters approved of the job Trump is doing, while 54% disapproved. A new poll from ABC News/Washington Post/Ipsos revealed only 39% approved of Trump's job performance. On Truth Social, Trump blasted the pollsters and news organizations. “These people should be investigated for election fraud ...”

In an Easter address, Trump said that his first three months in office were the best in history. But according to various polls, Trump is under water on the economy, foreign relations and overreaching and disregard for the law. Even his handling of immigration is down to 46% approval. Only on issues of gender identity does he get a 51% approval rating.

The polling is conspiratorial, Trump contended. He called the pollsters “negative criminals” who suffer from “Trump Derangement Syndrome” and “are truly the enemy of the people.” The truth, of course, is malleable in Trump World.

Things are actually going great, Trump said: “When tariffs cut in, many people’s income taxes will be substantially reduced, maybe even completely eliminated.” Yeah, that's the ticket.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another fun-filled week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of efforts by the State of Utah, Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County to make Ryan Smith even richer.

The billionaire owns the Utah Jazz NBA franchise and the NHL's Utah Hockey Club. Salt Lake City taxpayers are already on the hook for $1.2 billion to help Smith build a sports/entertainment district around the Delta Center. Now, Salt Lake County has agreed to sell the Smith Entertainment Group (SEG) a large portion of The Salt Palace to help him out a little more. No Wilson, we are not making this up.

It's necessary, say county officials, to keep downtown Salt Lake City from turning into a ghost town with tumble weeds and wild dogs. And of course, they say it's a great deal for taxpayers because their Ouija Board says the value of SEG's taxable sales will grow to “more than $400 million annually” by 2034. And that's not all: the tax exempt property at The Salt Palace will become non-tax exempt, bringing in $4.9 million a year once the area is redeveloped.

It's a win/win: Smith gets richer and taxpayers get $4.9 million of the $1.2 billion back each year—which should balance things out in a little over a century. It's all part of a new phenomenon where taxpayers help sports team owners become real estate moguls for the benefit of all. Of course, some benefit more than others, but hey, that's the American way.

Well Wilson, every secretary of Homeland Security should have a theme song, don't you think? We hate to ask you and the guys in the band to lower your standards, but what do you say we do a little something for ICE Barbie to send her on her way to even better outfits:

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party
Ah, ah, ah, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party
“Barbie Girl”—Aqua, 1997