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Hip-Hop Hatch, Da Man 

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Hey dude, how come Brotha O’s tunes ain’t on the hip-hop chart?

Well, man, let’s ask U2’s Bono. Hey Bono, dude. Why aren’t Orrin Hatch’s songs on the charts, man?

“His lyrics are beautiful, but the brothers will never sing them because of who he is.”

Really? Well, that’s the rap from New York Times News Service writer Judy Holland in a piece carried (where else?) in the Deseret News. At least, that’s what Utah’s senior senator told her in an interview about how the struggling songwriter/powerbroker forges ahead with his art despite what Hatch describes as discrimination against his white, conservative Mormon-ness.

But you can’t keep a good man down. The senator is doing better in the movies, where his anthem, “America Rocks,” made the soundtrack of Rat Race and his lullaby, “Little Angel of Mine,” appeared in Stuart Little 2.

The grapevine has it that Brotha O is now working on a gangsta rap creation tentatively called “Don’t Screw With My Judicial Nominations.” However, the staff here at SmartBomb has been unable to confirm the report.

• Will the real Ross Anderson please stand up? Now that Mayor Rocky has gotten his eyes fixed and his head shorn, it’s hard to recognize the feller. His new youthful appearance is dazzling, if somewhat confusing. Apparently, former Anderson chief of staff Deeda Seed, who professes she never gave the mayor backrubs, could not even recognize the new youthful sport.

City Hall staffers say they recognize him only by his old suits. Sources close to the mayor contend he is also considering a face-lift and liposuction. Those reports remain unsubstantiated, however.

Oh yeah, then there’s the part, previously reported in Rolly & Wells, that a Ross Anderson is running for mayor of West Valley City. Maybe he’s the guy with the short hair. This is getting really confusing.

• What’s in a name? The Salt Lake City Council recently voted unanimously to rename 500 South Street as Cesar Chavez Boulevard after the Chicano leader and migrant farm organizer. It’s a touching move, especially for the city’s growing Latino community. But will the name take?

Here’s the SmartBomb quiz: What street in Salt Lake City was renamed Martin Luther King Boulevard? What street in Salt Lake City was renamed University Boulevard?

Send your answers to Rolly&Wells@SLTrib.com. The winners get an all-expenses-paid weekend at Hope Woodside’s Park City pad with Chris Vanocur.

• If you’re an unknown and need help running for Congress, it doesn’t get much better than this: Vice President Dick “I Earned Those Millions at Halliburton” Cheney was in town to stump for John Swallow. Nobody’s heard of Swallow, who is running against Jim Matheson in the redrawn 2nd Congressional District.

Meanwhile, Matheson who is a political legacy in Utah, got the very public support of Republican Gov. Mike Leavitt’s brothers, Eric and Dane. Cheney or not, that must be difficult for Swallow to … well … swallow. (Sorry, we just couldn’t help it.)

• According to a report by the Trib’s Dawn House, Cheney continues to be popular among Republican fund-raisers despite the fact that Halliburton is being investigated by the Securities and Exchange Commission in the wake of the Enron and WorldCom accounting scandals. Face it, Dick knows how to get the almighty buck, and then pass it.

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