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Hiding Behind a Pussy 

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It’s always good to know people who own handguns. That way, if you ever need someone shot, you know whom to call. That’s why, here at Smartbomb, we try to stay on good terms with Janalee Tobias, the original Pistol Packin’ Mama.

Although Janalee loves guns, she’s not a bad egg and hates to be put in the same basket with rightwing smut crusader Gayle Ruzicka, we learned recently over milk and cookies with the founder of Mothers Against Gun Control. Janalee is among those featured this month in a story about women and guns in the glossy Salt Lake magazine.

The cover of the June issue of Salt Lake shows a smiling Gov. Mike Leavitt with his pet cat Faux Paw. Janalee still feels the sting from the last election cycle, when the Guv actively campaigned against her. “You could say he’s hiding behind a pussy,” Janalee said of the magazine cover in something of a double entendre. “I’ll bet Gayle Ruzicka wouldn’t say that,” she laughed.

Score: Janalee 1; Gov. Leavitt 0

It seems Gov. Mike recently invited Janalee to a fundraiser gala. Janalee wrote back, asking the governor if it was her company that he desired or if he wasn’t simply after her money. Apparently embarrassed, the Guv then sent another note, inviting Janalee and her kids to come to his office for a sit down tete-a-tete with him and Faux Paw (there may be a cheap pun there, somewhere, but we are too dignified to reach for it). Janalee said she’d have to think about it.

Score: Janalee 2; Gov. Leavitt 0

Well, he’s at it again. Columnist Lee Benson just keeps on proving how some at the Mormon church-owned Deseret News really are interested in the environment.

You’ll recall Benson—he’s the one with the twin brother who Orrin Hatch had appointed to Utah’s federal court. He’s also the one who said, “Come on, it’s only a canyon,” when some complained that the proposed 50,000-square-foot convention center on the top of Hidden Peak in Little Cottonwood Canyon wasn’t exactly environmentally friendly. A little later, Lee’s twin, Dee, ruled that Save Our Canyons’ protest of the convention center wouldn’t fly. Great minds think alike—or something.

Recently, Lee took to complaining about environmentalists overprotecting Southern Utah’s red rock country, including petroglyphs. “The originals of these ancient Indian drawings are considered environmental relics, as protected and revered in these parts as the Crown Jewels are in the Tower of London,” he wrote. “But if any of us were to go out to the red rock tomorrow and draw our own art, we would be arrested. If it’s old, it’s the environment; if it’s new, it’s anti-environment.”

Benson’s the type of guy who doesn’t let complicated factors screw up his thinking. For example, he noted that people who would drain Lake Powell shouldn’t drink water or use electricity. That, he insisted, would be contradictory logic.

We rest our case.

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