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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
“Weirdness is humanity’s way of overcoming the ever-increasing pressure to live 9-to-5 lives,” says Bob Rickard, founder of Fortean Times, a magazine that reports on anomalous events. “We need craziness, it’s that simple.” I second that emotion, Libra—especially for you right now. You don’t realize how much juicy psychic material you’ve been repressing as a result of sticking to dry duty and routine. In order to recover lost secrets from your fertile depths, you’re going to have to specialize for now in the mysterious, the curious, and the uncanny. It will help if you put yourself in situations that are outside your understanding.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
The sharks in German aquariums weren’t reproducing fast enough. Their keepers hired scientists to come up with the shark equivalent of aphrodisiacs. The most successful inducement to love was music—especially Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body,” Bob Marley’s “No Woman, No Cry,” and Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It.” I suggest you play tunes like those for you and your chosen ones, Scorpio. It’s an excellent time to coax out more of the tender, romantic sides of your inner shark, as well as the inner shark of anyone you’re attracted to.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
In the nick of time, a wild card will appear. It will reverse the meaning of a series of events that seemed to be railroading you towards an unhappy ending. What will be the nature of that wild card? Maybe some missing evidence will trickle in, bringing the big picture into a rosier focus. Maybe you will realize how valuable your problem has actually been. And perhaps the wild card will be a divine intervention that shatters a mental block, thereby correcting a misapprehension you’d been under. In any case, Sagittarius, there will be an unexpected twist at the last turn of the plot, and it will lead you to at least a semi-happy ending.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
A marathon séance took place at the Burning Man festival last August. Top psychics managed to channel floods of data from dead celebrities. Among the fascinating revelations they retrieved: Princess Diana would like Gwyneth Paltrow to play her in a movie about her life; John Lennon would have preferred it if the Beatles’ song “All You Need Is Love” was not used in a TV commercial for diapers; Ronald Reagan regrets having invaded the tiny nation of Grenada in 1983; and Nostradamus neglected to mention in his quatrains that in mid-November of 2007, Capricorns will enter a phase when they’re likely to get a lot of useful information from what’s seemingly dead and gone and past.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
On September 13, 1759, a small contingent of British troops took less than an hour to rout a few thousand French troops in a battle near Quebec City. It was a turning point in the history of North America, leading to events that ensured English speakers would dominate the continent. I foresee a comparable pivot just ahead for you, Aquarius. Seemingly small events that last a short time will yield momentous consequences. To help guarantee that they unfold in your favor, be like the British troops were back then: well-prepared, highly disciplined, and very lucky.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
If you chew coca leaves, you get a mild buzz, comparable to coffee, because your body metabolizes only tiny amounts of the plant’s alkaloids. But in cocaine, which is made from processed coca leaves, those same alkaloids are highly concentrated. Snorting or smoking the stuff gives your bloodstream a potent blast. Bolivia’s president Evo Morales wants the world to know the difference between the two. “The coca leaf is not cocaine,” he says. He pledges to completely legalize coca in his country, citing its traditional uses as a food and medicine predating the European invasion. Is there a comparable scenario in your life, Pisces? Something that’s bad for you when done to excess, but good for you in its understated natural state? It’s a favorable time to commit yourself to its healthy use.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700. cw