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Election 2006: Blow-by-Blow 

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Imagine our surprise that, after countless jabs and (not all unwarranted) attacks on him over the years, Orrin Hatch bought ad space in City Weekly’s semi-annual Election Issue. Either the Senator for Life is a better sport than we ever imagined, or some campaign staffers have some ’splainin’ to do. Either way … where art thou, Pete?

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When last the Election Issue left you two years ago, gubernatorial hopeful Jon Huntsman Jr. was sipping milk with us in Burt’s Tiki Lounge, Rep. Jim Matheson was giving us the cold shoulder, and ballots were still on paper. While Matheson still wants nothing do with CW (might make him look too “Democratic”) and Huntsman’s now a regular at Burt’s (at least we think that was him singing “Fortunate Son” at Karaoke Swilldown last Sunday), voting’s gone absolutely foolproof digital, citizens. Go ahead, citizens, leave your print'no worries here.

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Unless you take our tongue-in-cheek guide to hacking a voting machine, or our treatise on not voting at all, to heart. Then again, our Five Uneasy Questions with several local candidates, deposed City Weekly newshound Shane Johnson’s not-at-all-racist dissection of Salt Lake GOP head James Evans, the Ten Commandments of getting elected as decreed by men who should know and plenty of other politico features could sway you back to a (relatively) happy voting place.

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Maybe we’ll even lay off Sen. Hatch after this election, no matter what the outcome. No more talk of his helping spring alleged cokehead producer Dallas Austin out of Dubai lockdown, or his record mountains of campaign cash, or his arrogant sub-Sesame Street billboards, or his hollow-ringing endorsement from the Colorado-owned Salt Lake Tribune. But probably not'he’s still our Ferret-Lipped Pinhead, after all.

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