Don't Let the Self-Doubt Win 

• Jade Cromar

Sharing your art with the world can be a scary, intimidating experience. You never know how the world is going to react to it, so you have to cross your fingers and hope for the best. Luckily, there's a chance to build a community of like-minded people who appreciate what you're putting out there. For local singer-songwriter Rachael Jenkins, this happened pretty quickly. When she started releasing her music for the world to see, the world responded with love.

Like many of us who became bored during the pandemic, Jenkins joined TikTok at that time. She was interested in joining a supportive community that she could interact with while building her confidence as a musician. She began posting short videos of herself singing, and after receiving positive response, she decided to get more serious about her music.

"You've been wanting to do this forever and you were pretending like you didn't, because you were too embarrassed to be on stage and to write songs," Jenkins said to herself. "But it gave me confidence to write, and the community that came with it was warm and welcoming. Before, I associated it with anxiety, but it switched to fun and excitement."

While she was growing up, performing was something Jenkins always dreamed of, but there was a lot of self-doubt for her, including negative feelings about her body image. "When I was younger, I wanted to be a pop star, but I slowly realized that's not what I want. I also wasn't sure if I wanted to perform," she said. Jenkins put music on the backburner until college, when she enrolled in a songwriting course at Weber State University, where she was working on her degree. The class helped spark her creativity again, and helped her feel more open to writing music.

By the time November of 2020 rolled around, her single "Untitled" started blowing up on TikTok. The feedback from the app helped bring awareness to her music, getting the attention of Tinpot Records, where she ultimately signed. The new label, created in 2021, was built "with the artist firmly in mind," according to their website.

With the help of Tinpot and TikTok, "Untitled" skyrocketed in popularity. Currently, the song boasts 1.9 million streams on Spotify. "I don't think me or my label expected my first song to do as well as it did for a first single. I attribute that to TikTok," said Jenkins.

While Jenkins didn't anticipate its popularity, one listen to the song reveals why so many love and connect with it. Jenkins blends a simple yet impactful guitar track with her enchanting and measured voice. She has an incredible tone and exceptional control over her voice, while the heartbreaking subject matter of the song might leave you with goosebumps as you listen. Jenkins wrote it about her experience in the LDS Church, including ultimately leaving it, and coming out as queer.

"It's just a clusterfuck. Living in Utah, being a Mormon, leaving the church, coming out as queer, trying to figure out what your beliefs are now, that's a general idea for 'Untitled.' People take what they want from it though," she said. The song is full of emotion, but one of the lines in her song is a gut-punch. Jenkins sings, "And I pray to a God that doesn't care / At least not enough to be there." Remember those aforementioned goosebumps?

While Jenkins had some doubts about performing in the past, those feelings have mostly faded away. She absolutely beams when talking about performing live. "It's so fun, I love it so much," she said. "I love writing music and I love creating music, but I just got to play my first shows since high school with a band, and it's so fun to get to create chemistry on stage."

Jenkins has been releasing music in the form of singles, but eventually plans to release more and collect them into an EP. Her main goal with her music is to stay true to herself. "I just want to make very honest music. Which is hard because I find being honest hard sometimes," she said. "Facing things is much more difficult. I want fans to know that I'm being as honest as possible and that the things I write and put out mean a lot to me, and that I'll continue to do that." She said that it's validating to see the number of streams she's gotten with her songs, but also expressed sympathy for listeners who have felt similar thoughts and feelings about the subject matter of her music.

That's the thing about her music: It's so relatable. Her track "Allergy Season" reflects that. On the surface, anyone who suffers physically from seasonal allergies will get it—they suck. But diving deeper into the song, listeners find a story about a tumultuous relationship and the difficult reminders that come when emotional events take place during physically distressing times. "It's about being taken aback by small things," Jenkins said. "And not being able to control missing that person, even if it's for the best."

While Jenkins' music could fit into a few genres, she doesn't like to pin herself down to just one. "I don't love labels, I know they're important, but I'm so excited to explore what I want it to be," she said. "Because there's so much genre-bending to do and see that I'm excited to see what different things I enjoy making."

The best way to keep up with Rachael Jenkins is via her Instagram page @rachiichachii. You can also find her on TikTok under the same username. Catch her next show Thursday, Sept. 15 at The DLC (5 E. 400 South) in Salt Lake City; get tickets at quartersslc.com/the-dlc.