Day Trippin’ | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Day Trippin’ 

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04/08/06, 10:50, Missing Adult, near 200 North Q St.

The 74-year-old male “suffers from Alzheimer’s and went for a walk and did not return. Officers went to the area and searched for [the man] without success. Local Hospitals, UTA, VECC, SL Co. Sheriffs office, local businesses and citizens from the area were notified. ‘A Child is Missing’ was also notified and [telephones within] the zip code [received] a prerecorded message. At 1542 hours, [the man] was located at 3500 South 300 West by business owners that called police. [The man] was reunited with family members that had been searching as well. It was unclear how [he] got to the location but it is believed that he walked.

This item stands out not only for its heartwarming ending, but because an American apparently spent an afternoon walking 8.3 miles.

Chivalry Strikes Out

04/16/06, 18:08, Fight/Aggravated Assault, near 1900 South Roberta St.

“The victims [a man and a woman] had exchanged words with the suspect previously and this evening the suspect, another male and an unknown female came to the listed address. The male victim met them at the door with a ball bat and told them to leave. They started to leave, but the suspect said he wanted to fight. The victim dropped the bat and started to fight with the suspect.

Outnumbered, the victim still had the class to drop his Louisville Slugger and go toe-to-toe with his antagonist. What did gallantry get him?

“The other male picked up the bat and started hitting the victim in the head. The female victim jumped in and the 2nd male and the unknown female turned their attention to her. As the male victim was being treated by medical personnel, paraphernalia and a scale fell out of his pocket. The male victim, [26 years old], was transported to the hospital for treatment and then taken to jail on warrants, parole violation and possession of paraphernalia. The female victim was treated at the scene and released. The suspects have not been located yet.

Bamboozled, bruised and busted on a drug beef, the next time this hapless gentleman hits the streets, he might be tempted to dispense with the etiquette.

Chivalry Gets Sucker Punched

04/14/06, 20:30, Robbery/Aggravated Assault, 900 South Washington St.

“The victim was walking down the sidewalk at the listed location when a dark green Ford Taurus containing four Polynesian males in their 20s pulled up to the curb. One of the occupants asked the victim for a lighter. The two back seat occupants jumped out of the car and struck the victim in the head with an unknown object. The victim had lacerations to both the front and rear of his head. The suspects took money out of the victim’s pocket and fled in an unknown direction. The victim was transported to the hospital in critical condition.

Not as if this poor sap had a fighting chance against a carload of lily-livered thugs, but at least it would’ve been sporting to give the chap an opportunity to defend himself. Instead, the assailants allegedly blindsided the guy and, like bums in the park, rolled him for a few bucks. For the curious, “critical condition” translated from newspeak generally means the patient is at high risk of death within 24 hours.

To recap, the standup brawler in the previous item goes to jail, the man who stopped to help some fellas travelers goes to the hospital, and the cowardly hooligans in both scenarios go their own way. Stated simply by suffragette Alice Stone Blackwell, “Justice is better than chivalry if we cannot have both.” But not nearly as immediate.

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About The Author

Shane Johnson

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