Copper Safe for Games | News | Salt Lake City Weekly

Copper Safe for Games 

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In Salt Lake City and surrounding area, we are about to be sucked into an Olympic vortex. Until Feb. 24, nothing will matter much except things related to the Games. The Legislature could vote to raise taxes and no one would notice. Gov. Mike Leavitt could change his hairpiece and no one would care. Mayor Rocky Anderson could fire a few more staffers and it wouldn’t register on the radar. Utahns are so giddy about Our Olympics that nobody has even complained about the relaxation of liquor laws during the 17-day gala. It’s even rumored that prudes like Gayle Ruzicka and Dr. George Van Komen will be partying down. Get this, booze will even be flowing at the governor’s official Olympic bash. Not since last summer when Leavitt’s kids trashed the place has alcohol been seen in the Governor’s Mansion.

*Things are so crazy, in fact, that SLOC’s public relations Führer Caroline Shaw and her staff of communications storm troopers can’t handle the foreign news media and all their inquiries into Utah culture. That’s why we here at SmartBomb have been serving as the unofficial spokespeople for Salt Lake City’s Olympics. We’ve talked with Japanese TV, German magazines, Swiss TV, Austrian radio, the British press, the Dutch, the French and the list goes on and on. Why do they seek out SmartBomb for the wicked truth about Salt Lake City and Utah and its people? Shucks, we dunno. But they do.

*Of course, the first question they always ask is how many wives do we have? The staff here at SmartBomb gets a chuckle from the look on their faces when we explain that serial monogamy replaced polygamy back when, call it pre-Beatles.

The second question is always about alcohol. We try explaining that at this altitude, 3.2 percent beer is plenty strong, especially when you chase it with a little tequila.

And the foreign press always asks if the LDS church controls politics in this state. No more now than when Brigham Young first arrived, is always our standard line here at SmartBomb.

No one can accuse us of being anti-Olympics or not helping SLOC and the church put our best collective bootie forward. No siree, Mitt.

*Here’s a bit of good news coming out of Our Olympics. Because most of Utah is a no-fly zone during the Games, coyotes will not be hunted from the air for 17 days in February. Isn’t that sweet? Of course, the coyote is one of Our Olympic mascots. As all good Utahns know by now, Our Olympic mascots are a rabbit, a coyote and a bear. Their names are respectively Powder, Copper and Coal. Fortunately, the foreign journalists did not ask us how Our Olympic mascots got such dumb names. But we digress. Copper the coyote is hunted for bounty on a regular basis—except during the Games. That’s the Olympic Spirit coming through.

*And finally this: Jim Turner wrote in (see letters) to say that he’s sick and tired of how the staff here at SmartBomb is sick and tired of the that great symbol of the Olympic Spirit—the Olympic Torch—and how some so-called journalists can participate in the running of the torch and then pretend that they are objectively covering the Games. OK, Jim, you win. We won’t mention it.

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