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Cold Beer, Hard Facts 

8 secrets to testing beer temps

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Eight secrets to accurately testing the temperature of beer:

8. Consult registered technicians and use only certified thermometers.

7. Or just buy a box of ‘em from Walmart.

6. Drink two vodka rocks for every one beer to establish a set point.

5. Ask your server if you can sit on the keg for 90 seconds to gauge shrinkage.

4. When testing cans of beer mounted on a helmet, subtract 5 degrees and 40 IQ points.

3. Don’t test inside of a Utah State Liquor Store—wait until you reach the parking lot.

2. Stella Artois and Budweiser are the same beer; one will not test colder or fancier than the other.

1. Make sure a bartender or club owner is screaming in your ear about the irrelevancy of beer temperature the whole time.

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