City Weekly Performance Enhancers | Staff Box | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

City Weekly Performance Enhancers 

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Steroids are banned from baseball. Do we need to ban any performance enhancers at CW?

Susan Kruithof: How could managing editor Jerre Wroble and I make it though some of our more trying issues without espresso-flavored vodka? It’s liquid courage in a CW shot glass.

Jeff Reese: Coffee is the obvious choice, but I am going to have to go with the chocolate donuts from AJ’s Market. I just really don’t think they are doing me much good …

Brandon Burt: Everybody knows you don’t sustain this kind of peak performance every week without carefully maintaining a correct blood-chemical balance of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. Eliminate one component, and the entire organization comes crashing down around your ears.

Derek Jones: My performance enhancer is a hot cup of coffee in my hand each morning. I’ve also noticed quite a few around here share the same addiction. I wouldn’t try and ban the joe because, honestly, it’s what makes the world go ’round.

Scott Renshaw: I think at this point in history we’d all be wise to embrace the ultimate performance enhancer: fear of unemployment.

Ted Scheffler: Over the 15 years I’ve written about food for the Private Eye and City Weekly, I’ve bulked up a bit myself. But, unlike A-Rod, I did it the natural way—one calorie at a time.

Matt Engle: I hope not … I was thinking of getting back on the juice. Combined with my mixed martial-arts training, that would motivate my clients to honor their contracts!

Jackie Briggs: If you banned coffee, I would just do cocaine. Do you really want that on your shoulders?

Nick Clark: Perhaps we should encourage performance enhancers to, uh, enhance performance.

Tracy Stout: Maybe the paper is lacking performance enhancers … yes … that’s exactly what we need!

Christopher Westergard: If we banned caffeine at the City Weekly, I think that The Coffee Garden would go out of business. I need my three daily coffees to function at work! Thanks, Coffee Garden, for the fuel I need.

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