9. Commemorative tour of The Lone Ranger's Utah filming locations, given by Colin Wolf, $9.99
8. Shepherd's hook to pull cyclists off downtown sidewalks and into designated bike lanes, $14.99
7. Signed copy of the Tribune's Mia Love book, with coupon for an at-home bedtime reading by co-writer Robert Gehrke, $25.99
6. Artisanal leather blinders to shield holiday-hating pedestrians from downtown displays of lights and general merriment, $79.99
5. Wearable full-length Zion Curtains to shield self-righteous pedestrians from downtown neon beer signs, $85.99
4. See The Best of SLC!™ tour pass, featuring open-air bus ride to historic downtown locations like Trader Joe's, Dunkin' Donuts and The Cheesecake Factory, $49.99
3. 200-page instructional pamphlet explaining how and where to park downtown, $4.99
2. Mason jar of locally cultivated Park City inversion-free air, $35.99
1. Une pinata en forme de Bill Frost a frapper quand l'ocho est mauvais ou prend la semaine de congé, $19.99