Beheading the Dogs? | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Beheading the Dogs? 

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Once upon a time, the University of Utah had a celebration called Mayfest. It was held in May and it was a festival and some bright bulb dubbed it Mayfest. For reasons that continue to elude us here at SmartBomb, the festival was moved to August. But, they kept the name until finally someone said, hey, why do we have Mayfest in August?

Now it’s called Redfest. The U of U began its fall semester last week and our crack team of investigators tells us that Redfest was a big success. We’re also told there are many reasons it’s called Redfest, but we can’t repeat most of them here.

Although the Mayfest/Redfest issue has finally been straightened out, there is still something that is gnawing at us: Why does Snowbird hold Oktoberfest in September? Why not just call it Septemberfest, for cryin’ out loud? Or move it back a month. It’s not like it’s going to snow in October.

Why heck, this year we’ll be lucky if it snows at all, what with the drought and the Olympics coming. Luckily, Mayor Anderson is installing snowmaking machines on the tops of many downtown high-rises. (As Dave Barry would say, we’re not making this up.) Rocky is putting snowmaking machines on rooftops so that Olympic visitors will have to buy those official 2002 Winter Games berets that Mitt Romney’s always sporting.

The bonus, of course, is that those of us who work downtown but won’t be able drive because there will be no parking—don’t even mention the gridlock—will be able to ski to the office. You’ve got to hand it to the mayor. That’s pretty good planning.

And speaking of dogs, this word just in from Iran: Recently, we brought you news that public floggings are being brought back by the mullahs who find the spectacle helpful to keep their faithful in line. Now, hard-line clerics say that dogs are no longer allowed in the country. That’s right, according to the New York Times, dog owners will be arrested and their dogs confiscated.

No word on whether dog owners will be publicly flogged or how the canines will be executed. Beheading is apparently not out of the question, but certainly adds perspective to the debate here over leash laws.

While we’re exploring the general topic of all things backward, Asa Hutchinson, the new chief of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration, has come out against the medical use of marijuana. Reminiscent of the character played by Michael Douglas in the movie Traffic, Hutchinson said he wants to send a message.

Here at SmartBomb, we’re pondering whether we should pool our money and send him the video. Gawd, he might learn something. On the other hand, maybe not.

And finally this: According to a press release sent to us by Blue Suede Films, when the King of rock & roll died on Aug. 16, 1977, there were only 35 Elvis impersonators. Today, there are more than 35,000. In anyone’s book, that’s a lot of converts.

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