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When you’re good, you’re good—or, as Dizzy Dean used to say, “If you can do it, it ain’t braggin’.” Salt Lake City has done it again. We’re the most “livable” city in the West, according to Money magazine.

No brag. Just fact.

Of course, those geniuses over at Money decided that Portland, Ore., was even more livable than the City of Salt. Portland was awarded most livable city in the nation. Judging from the number of Gen-Xers bolting Salt Lake for Portland, maybe they have something. Lots of clubs and brewpubs, anyway. It’s a scene, man.

For sure, the people at Money didn’t take into account Portland’s weather. It’s so cloudy there that suntans have been outlawed. Anyone caught with color in their cheeks is suspect. Of course, our weather hasn’t been that great lately, either. Maybe it’s a moot point.

Anyway, back to us and why we’re so darn great. According to Money magazine analysts, Salt Lake City is tops in the West because it’s so affordable here. They list the average price of a house at $138,700. Wrong! The average price of a house in Salt Lake City is more like $188,000. So, what’s $50,000 here or there? It’s chump change. We’re still affordable.

Another reason the folks at Money liked Salt Lake is that the average commute time is 19.5 minutes. Who are these people kidding? It takes 19.5 minutes just to find an open on-ramp around here. In recent time trials, it took more than 19.5 minutes to drive from the City Weekly offices at 400 South and West Temple to the Sugar House liquor store at rush hour.

Somewhat curiously, Money editors listed Zion National Park as one of Salt Lake City’s amenities. Shouldn’t that have gone to La Verkin or Springdale? Perhaps they meant Liberty Park. Who knows?

All right, so Money magazine didn’t get everything exactly right. Still, they were pretty close, and as we’re learning from the presidential election, pretty close has to do.

Money did note correctly that we’re in close proximity to great skiing. Nobody will dare say otherwise after this winter.

Still, we believe that Money may have missed some of the best things about Salt Lake City. For example, we’re only two hours from legalized gambling in Wendover. Can Portland say that?

We’re going to be hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics. Can Portland say that?

Hollywood is making a movie about the Salt Lake City Olympic bid scandal. Can Portland say that?

Even with our strange liquor laws, inbred political establishment and air pollution, we think Salt Lake City is tops. Can Portland say that?

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