AI porn—you ain’t seen nothin’ yet 

AI (artificial intelligence) porn is coming to a cell phone near you. Soon, viewers of pornography can be the directors of their own video productions. We hate to say it Wilson, but in the not-too-distant future the guys in the band will have a whole new form of gaming—if you can call it that—wiling away the hours making photorealistic images do whatever they want them to do. Yikes. And you think it's hard to get their attention now.

Mike Lee and the Utah legislators are already apoplectic about porn and they don't even know what awaits. Well guys, you ain't seen nothing yet. About six out of every 10 respondents between ages 30 and 49 watched pornographic content during March 2022, according to Statista. Some 28% of people using work computers visited porn sites in February 2010, according to The Nielsen Company. The average visit to a porn site was 13 minutes, according to Webroot. Hold onto your hat, AI is about to blow the lid off Pandora's Box.

True enough Wilson, a lot of porn actors could be looking for work when AI porn takes hold. On the other hand, some people may not want to make their own porn. Old school guys and Luddites might not be able to imagine their own dream girls, let alone come up with a catchy ... plot.

Embryos Get Constitutional Rights
We live in a weird country. Here, money is speech, corporations are people—and so are frozen embryos. You didn't know that, did you Wilson? Well it's true, maybe.

The Alabama Supreme Court just said so—but what it means is hard to know. If a fertility clinic were to implant an embryo into a woman's uterus and the procedure failed, would that be murder, manslaughter, negligent homicide? It's all quite mind boggling. In vitro fertilization (IVF) clinics in Alabama slammed on the breaks.

It's a real bummer for the pro-life folks. On the one hand they want more babies, but they don't want to “murder” them by attempting to bring frozen embryos to life. About 2% of pregnancies in the U.S. are the result of IVF. Nikki Haley said when she thinks of frozen embryos she thinks of babies. Really?

OK Wilson, listen: an embryo is a fertilized egg. Three to seven days after fertilization, it can be frozen for future use. At that point, the embryos are made up of 100 to 300 cells. Nikki Haley looks at a petri dish with 300 cells and sees a baby? Is she drinking ibogaine tea again?

Well, according to the Alabama court ruling, those cells really are babies with all the protections of the Constitution. No Wilson, sperm do not have Constitutional rights. Not yet, anyway.

Pro Sports Stadiums—Batter-Up For Utah Taxpayers
Hey Wilson, outside of frisbee and billiards do you and the guys in the band like sports? What about hockey—the sport Utah is known for? Well, not exactly.

Salt Lake City taxpayers soon could be shelling out $1 billion for a hockey arena project. Mayor Erin Mendenhall loves hockey. Don't look now, but taxpayers could be on the hook for another $900 million for a baseball stadium complex. Utah legislators love baseball. Our little cowtown will be transformed into a sexy, cosmopolitan sports Mecca.

Of course, there are always frowny faces, like the Journal of Economic Surveys, which found from 30 years of data that “professional sports venues are not justified as worthwhile public investments.” But who cares what they say? Think of it, the National Hockey League and Major League Baseball right here in the City of Salt. How exciting.

OK, you might not be able to afford tickets to the games, but you could watch from a sports bar. Well, it might not seem fair, Wilson, but that's how we do things in the U.S.A. Who do you think helped build and then renovate the Utah Jazz arena? Yep, taxpayers.

Fans can get nosebleed Jazz seats for $37 to $70. Of course, the good seats cost hundreds. According to Statista, MLB tickets range from $69 to $209. You're just gonna love hockey and baseball.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another rip-roaring week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of Nikki Haley so you don't have to. If you're a Democrat, you may have fallen in love with Nikki Haley, the female presidential candidate who just found the balls to call Donald Trump exactly what he is—a disgusting candidate of chaos.

Well Wilson, as love affairs go this could be a short one, so enjoy it while you can. Haley is attractive, well-spoken and charismatic—and she doesn't have orange hair and skin. But why does she stay in the race when she can't win? Who cares as long as she gets Trump's undies in a twist.

Folks are so frightened by another Trump presidency, they think this could be 2016 all over again. Trump is polling ahead of President Joe Biden by slim margins. But take heart: while Trump beat Haley in New Hampshire and South Carolina, his numbers were lower than expected. Many Republicans just don't like his Orangeness.

Other polls show Haley beating Biden by significant margins. But eight months can be an eternity in politics. The world could turn upside-down several times by November. And Wilson, you know what Yogi Berra said. No, not “It's deja vu all over again.” (Although he did say that.) More like, “It ain't over 'till it's over.”

Well shucks Wilson, maybe you and the guys in the band can get the taxpayers excited for our coming $900 million baseball stadium project. Plus, MLB spring training is underway and soon Tribune editor Dave Noyce and other gluttons for punishment will be cheering on the Cubs and even the White Sox. So take a swing at it, Wilson:

Well, a-beat the drum and hold the phone
The sun came out today
We're born again, there's new grass on the field
A-roundin' third and headed for home
It's a brown-eyed handsome man
Anyone can understand the way I feel

Oh, put me in coach, I'm ready to play today
Put me in coach, I'm ready to play today
Look at me (yeah), I can be centerfield
“Centerfield”—John Fogerty