2021 Will Be a Busy Year for Karma | Opinion | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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2021 Will Be a Busy Year for Karma 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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People are going to be writing books forever on what a bad year 2020 was. But as Susan Eloise Hilton said in 1971: "That was then, this is now." Or as Michael J. Fox said in Back to the Future—"That was now, this is then." Well, whatever. The fact is that 2020 sucked, and 2021 can't help but to be better. And, as author and activist Timothy Pina said, "Everything will usually get worse before it gets better. ... Forgive but never forget. Let karma take care of all the rest."

That said, karma has a lot of catching up to do. Imagine what karma has in store for The Donald and his family. Orange could be the new Trump family uniform color. Imagine Donald in the chow line in prison. "Not shit on a shingle again!" And what awaits Mitch McConnell. How could karma possibly even the score with that sonofabitch? Shit on a shingle is way too good. And don't think Mike Lee and Sean Reyes are gonna walk away unscathed. They probably won't lose their Temple Recommends—but maybe they'll get called on missions to San Salvador or Kabul, Afghanistan. Fortunately, that's all for karma to figure out, and it will be quite a challenge. Still, it will soon be the Chinese Year of the Ox, and there is no guilty pleasure quite as rewarding as watching the bad guy's ox getting gored.

What to Buy With a $600 Stimulus Check
1. A haircut at Bergdorf Goodman
2. A round-trip flight for one to Mar-A-Lago
3. A Strathberry handbag of the type worn by Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao
4. One Michelin Pilot tire for your Porsche 911 S
5. Groceries for a family of four for one month
6. A pair of Cartier sunglasses like Melania wears marked down to $599
7. A restorative detox wrap at the Mandarin spa in Manhattan
8. Dinner for three at the St. Regis in Deer Valley
9. A bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild (2005)
10. Or two weeks' rent at a rundown motel on State Street

Get Your "Free Kyle" T-shirts to Save America
Act now. Get your Kyle Rittenhouse T-shirts, caps and hoodies online to help with the defense of America's new folk hero. The chubby, little guy showed true patriotism on Aug. 25 when he shot and killed two men on the street in Kenosha,Wisconsin, who probably deserved it. Rittenhouse, who is 17 and white, brought an AR-15 to the demonstration to "protect private property" against BLM shitheads who were using the police shooting of Jacob Blake, a black man, as an excuse to get drunk and burn stuff down. That's just un-American. Although he is too young to legally own a firearm, Kyle knew it was his duty to bear arms and kick ass. But now the Deep State has charged him with murder. By purchasing Kyle Rittenhouse T-shirts and hoodies, we can raise $2 million for his defense—because freedom ain't free. Hold it, this just in: The company selling Kyle's merch is shutting down the website because "it violates company policy of content that promotes violence." WTF. Since when does a "Killing in Self Defense" T-shirt promote violence? This is as American as apple pie. Remember the "Free Jeffrey Dahmer" T-shirts? And what about those "Ted Bundy Is One of Us" hoodies? Wasn't it Washington or maybe Goldwater who said: "Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice." Yeah, damn it. Let's invade our country.

Postscript—Well, that's a wrap for another year here at Smart Bomb where you don't have to keep track of Trump's pardons, because our staff does it for you. This is the time of year, of course, when people make New Year's resolutions. But some jaded folks refuse to because they know they won't follow through and don't want to get even more depressed before Groundhog Day, which in and of itself is a cruel joke. Normally in January, the gyms fill up with people who have resolved to get in shape. Others resolve to quit smoking. And some say they will never drink another drop of eggnog for the rest of their lives. Here at Smart Bomb, the staff has made a few New Year's resolutions, too: Some have resolved to eat less bacon. Bacon makes everything better—even hideous stuff like Brussels sprouts and asparagus—but like everything else that is good, bacon is not your friend, despite what Jimmy Dean says. Wilson and the band say they are going to draw the line on tofu, which is cheap because they don't eat tofu, anyway, claiming it's not a food but a building material. At the end of the day, the best resolutions are the ones where we try to be kinder to the people we hate—or at least bite our tongues when we're thinking about what shitheads they are. Happy New Year.

Alright Wilson, it's the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021, so why don't you and the band put down the paper party whistles and take us out with a little something for these times:

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?

"(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding"—written by Nick Lowe/recorded by Elvis Costello

PPS— During this difficult time for newspapers please make a donation to our very important local alternative news source, Salt Lake City Weekly, at PressBackers.com, a nonprofit dedicated to help fund local journalism. Thank you.

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