Page 4 of 4
Will the downtown City Creek Center be all the city fathers pray it will be?
MC: There is construction downtown? I hadn’t noticed.
BF: City Creek Center—aka the Jesus Christ Superstore—will be so successful that it’ll put The Gateway out of business, leaving hundreds of families with no place to bathe their kids in the summertime. The CCC’s biggest anchor stores will be Taser Town and the Blue Boutique.
HM: City Creek Center is going to be incredible. I’m convinced it will draw people back downtown and attract those who would otherwise never leave the suburbs. There will be plenty of anchor stores but none of world-class caliber. We deserve the glamour of a Neiman Marcus, but that chain isn’t known to stock an inventory of jumpers, Crocs and knee shorts.
TW: It has a good chance to succeed. Third South has declined over time as the opposite retail pole of north Main on a north-south axis. The new orientation will be east-west with Gateway, which will become like Third South once was—a place to get a late beer any time or a shirt on Sunday. City Creek can serve the faithful as north Main always has.
What’s with the local real-estate market? When is a good time to buy or sell? Should renters keep renting?
MC: You are asking a man who bought at the worst time and might be selling now?
BF: The downtown market will continue to go condo crazy; when they start converting the All Star Travel Inn into $300,000 units, it’s time to sell. Renters will be in a good position to easily flee the country after the November elections.
HM: Sellers are too greedy. The people asking a reasonable selling price are turning their homes quickly. Hang on to your home for a while; remodel a little, instead. Renters should only buy a home if they have a steady job and a plan to stick around Utah for at least five years.
TW: Everyone should buy a tent! Run to the hills! Seriously, it’s another symptom of “scare America.” Whether it’s killer bees or bird flu, it’s likely to be quaint history in 2009. Then we’ll have another scare, one that’s real: global warming.
Who will be the Republican and Democratic candidates for president? MC: Rudy and Hillary. And, no matter what … we are all screwed.
BF: Republican nominee: Alan Keyes. After the GOP realizes he’s actually running, they’ll pitch that America is ready for its first crazy-ass black president “as seen in Borat.” Democratic nominee: Keith Olbermann. The MSNBC anchorman has been doing such a great job covering Bush-bashing news in lieu of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, it’s inevitable. The winner: Ron Paul. After raising $60 billion in campaign contributions during his wildly successful “I Ain’t as Nuts as Alan Keyes” fund drive, he’ll simply buy it with a big cash down.
HM: Mike Huckabee is looking like the humble, aw-shucks candidate for now, but the ultimate nominee will be Rudy Giuliani. He will appeal more to the moderates and raise needed cash. Mitt Romney will lose in Iowa and flame out before the big February primaries. Hillary Clinton should be the Democratic candidate, but Barack Obama will win the nomination. He’s got that freshness and hope thing going, and after eight years of George W. Bush, voters will find that possibility golden. Obama will be the next president of the United States.
TW: The Republican will be Mike Huckabee. It will hurt the Republican Party in Utah since he used Mitt as a doormat. The Mormon “devils” will get revenge. Obama will prevail nationally with a surprisingly close loss in Utah. Both Huckabee and Obama have one thing in common: They have freshness in a field of “been there too longs.”
Have we seen the last of Mayor Rocky or does he have a future in Utah public life?
MC: He will become a radio talk-show host. It will be called The Rocky Project, and he will have gurus for everything … and I will try to talk him out of it.
BF: Ever seen The Phantom of the Opera? It’ll be like that … only less gay.
HM: Stick a fork in him.
TW: Rocky will not go for a future in Utah. Look for him to hit the national or even international scene. All that energy and passion can’t be bridled.
And what about Mitt Romney?
MC: Needs to learn the importance of gardening when running for the White House.
BF: He will continue to exist only in D.P. Sorensen’s imagination.
HM: I see him in that tasteful black wool coat he’s been wearing on the hustings, his hair neatly coiffed as always. He’s leading tours of Temple Square. Wait a minute. I meant that I figuratively see him leading tours …
TW: In mid-February, he will leave to take over the scandal-ridden ’08 Beijing Olympics.
About our psychic pundits:
Michael Castner hosts the Michael Castner Show, available through iTunes. The former host of KSL Radio’s Nightside Project, Castner came from KFI news/talk radio station in Los Angeles. Previously, he was with the E! Channel for 14 years, a host for red carpet events and his own talk show. Previously, he was London bureau chief for Entertainment Tonight. On the political front, he covered the White House and State Department for Tribune Broadcasting and was press adviser to then-congressional candidate Joseph P. Kennedy II.
Bill Frost has worked at City Weekly far longer than is healthy for readers or himself. In addition to writing, editing and managing City Weekly’s Web content, he moonlights as a psychic detective and is currently pitching his reality series Unsolved Pregnancies to various cable networks.
Holly Mullen is editor of City Weekly. She promises she and husband Ted Wilson did not compare answers.
Ted Wilson was mayor of Salt Lake City from 1976 to 1985. He directed the University of Utah’s Hinckley Institute of Politics for 18 years, retiring in 2003. He now skis and bicycles and lives on the income of City Weekly Editor (and trophy wife) Holly Mullen.
« previous 1 2 3 4