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The Secret Handshake

Monday, November 18, 2013

Fancy Cats: An Afternoon at the Utah Cat Show (Video)

Before reading this story, it is highly recommended to play this song in the background and to read the following text in Jean Claude Van Damme voice.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Best of SLC's Craigslist Vol.13

Sure, Craigslist is great for things like selling a car, finding a job or renting a room. But it's also a fantastic site for showcasing the most bizarre crap this city has to offer. Welcome to The Secret Handshake’s best of SLC’s Craigslist, a monthly handpicked collection of Salt Lake City’s finest weirdos, irrelevant rants and useless hoo-haa.

Monday, September 30, 2013

The 25 Greatest Utah Jazz Rap References Ranked and Explained

Rick Ross, the rapper most likely to never play in the NBA, once stated, “Rappers want to be ballers, ballers want to be rappers.” The eternal bromance between hip-hop and basketball is beyond obvious. Let's be honest: An NBA plug in a rap song is as boilerplate as a Ben Wallace air-ball.

Monday, September 23, 2013

A Fine Collection of Weird Photos from the Utah State Fair

For some reason, this blog is lucky enough to work with a photographer who not only enjoys covering pointless drivel like last week's video of Gov. Herbert eating muffins, but is also a cardcarrying AP photojournalist, who used to do work for The New York Times and The Washington Post. --- So, while every other publication sent its photographers off to blow their loads at the Salt Lake City Comic Con, Secret Handshake photographer Mike Fuchs was out at the Utah State Fairgrounds, snapping photos of people drinking Budweiser in waterless hot tubs and old men washing their goats.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I Watched Governor Herbert Eat Muffins For Two Hours [Video]

Last Thursday, roughly 50 Utah State Fair attendees gathered to witness Gov. Gary Herbert take small, thoughtful bites from homemade muffins at an event appropriately called Governor Herbert’s Favorite Muffin. Nothing political here, just two hours of watching our muffin-loving governor crush baked goods in front of a live audience.

Monday, August 19, 2013

I Met Utah's Best Whistler; He Only Does Disney Songs [Video]

Actor Donal Logue once said in the 2000 film The Tao of Steve, “Everyone is good at something, just figure out what you’re excellent at.” Personally, I hate that movie -- but I love the message. It doesn't mater what your "thing" is or if you look stupid doing it --no skill is inconsequential ... even a something as arbitrary as whistling.---

Monday, August 12, 2013

As You Can See, I Finally Own a Power Glove

I know it’s probably hard for you to focus at the moment. More than likely, you're staring at my sweet Power Glove in the picture on the right hand side, but that’s OK.  I’m also a little distracted because I’m busy giving my 9-year-old self and his friends a barrage of high fives.---

Monday, August 5, 2013

Best of SLC's Craigslist Vol.12

Welcome to The Secret Handshake’s best of SLC’s Craigslist -- a monthly, handpicked selection of Salt Lake City’s finest weirdos and useless hoo-haa.--- As a writer, Craigslist is a decent source for story leads.

Monday, July 8, 2013

July 4th Photos, Proving That SLC Is More America Than Ever

With all that's going on these days, it's easy to say America isn't what it used to be -- that perhaps we've lost our edge. I say, "Horseshit." Who cares that our economy is crap, or that we no longer lead the way in fast-food technology.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Claw Life: Lessons from a Claw-Machine Master [Video]

Whenever I spot a claw machine, I wonder, “Who the hell are these idiots who think it’s worth dropping a dollar to score a Mr. Happy Crab?” Then, my next thought is that I should own one and rule over this city like a dark, stuffed-animal overlord. It's easy money; besides, we all know that claw machines are rigged and no one wins anything from these damned things, am I right?---

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