We Can Fix That 

The City Weekly staff handles all your vexing summer dilemmas.

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Contributors: Brandon Burt, Stephen Dark, Bill Frost, Jamie Gadette, Ted McDonough, Eric Peterson, Scott Renshaw and Ted Scheffler

No, you’re not experiencing déja vu. And yes, we ran a feature like this in our 2008 Summer Guide. We thought we’d solved all the world’s problems back then, but new ones have since cropped up. There will always be problems to solve, it seems, in deriving the maximum pleasure from summer. So here are the pickles of 2009 … along with easy DIY solutions, all lovingly designed to make your summer more chill, and dill, as it were.

THE PICKLE: Warm wine on a summer day is as disgusting as warm beer year-round.
THE FIX: Many of the DABC’s wine stores offer wine-bottle chilling (sorry, no boxes) on request; just drop it into the futuristic steel water tank, wait a few minutes, watch the li’l yellow duck swirl around, and, presto! Nicely chilled vino, ready to go to the barbecue, garden party or parking lot. OK, not parking lot. Now, when are the State liquor stores going to offer this convenient service for beer?
The Wine Store, 1602 S. 300 West, 801-412- 9972, and several others. alcbev.state.ut.us/stores/wine_stores.html

THE PICKLE: You love tribute bands, but have to settle for seeing them one at a time.
THE FIX: The first annual Utahpalooza at The Canyons Mountain Resort in Park City, masterminded by Tony Oros. Singing for several tribute bands (most notoriously as Nigel Thames of Liquid Joe’s mainstays Metal Shop, as well as Rattle & Hum, Mullet Hatchet, et al) across the country, Oros is buds with working musicians far and wide—so he decided to throw a Labor Day weekend party and invite them all to play on one stage for one all-day show in his adopted hometown. It’ll be that rare occasion when “Freebird” requests are encouraged and honored.
Utahpalooza, The Canyons Mountain Resort, Park City, Saturday Sept. 5, 3-10 p.m. Info: TonyOros.com

THE PICKLE: WWE pro wrestling won’t be back live in Utah all summer.
THE FIX: Who needs ’em? Locally based American Xtreme Wrestling (who claim to have put on the first-ever “death match” in Utah, and who’s going to argue?) throws thrilling rasslin’ shows in the valley every month at Club 90 in Sandy. Upcoming Sunday-night events include June 14, 28 and July 12; full cards of wrestling action for a mere $5. AXW also has a training school, should you rather get in on the action rather than just watch it.
MySpace.com/AXWrestling

THE PICKLE: You’re staying in town for your vacation.
THE FIX: Act like a tourist in Salt Lake City. You know all those touristy places you never go to, but probably should? Now you can see them on the cheap using the Salt Lake Convention & Visitors Bureau “Salt Lake Connect Pass.” For one low price, the one-, two- or three-day passes will get you deals at many popular local attractions such as Red Butte Garden, Snowbird Ski and Summer Resort, the Utah Museum of Fine Arts, Utah Olympic Park, Hogle Zoo, Tracy Aviary and Clark Planetarium. For an adult, the pass is $20 for one day, $30 for two days, $40 for three days. And, if you can work it all in, it’ll be well worth it.
Salt Lake Convention & Visitors Bureau, 90 S. West Temple, 801-534-4900, VisitSalt-Lake.com

The Pickle: You have the last parking strip with water-sucking grass on your block.
THE FIX: The Utah Rivers Council’s “Rip Your Strip” program, which has probably helped all of your more-conscientious neighbors save up 7,500 gallons of water per year— this is a desert, after all. Sign up at RipYourStrip.com, take the “I realize that this is a desert, after all” pledge, and download free instructional PDFs, sample xeriscape layouts, and coupons from local landscape supply shops and nurseries. Start with the strip—maybe it’ll lead to ripping out your whole lawn.
RipYourStrip.com

THE PICKLE: You want to sleep through the recession.
THE FIX: Free coffee every Monday at Cucina Deli. Your 401(k) may be nonexistent, but that doesn’t mean you have to face Mondays in a decaffeinated state. Every Monday until the Dow Jones Industrial Average hits 10,000, Cucina Deli offers free coffee to all comers—all day from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. Bring your own to-go mug, or enjoy a cuppa joe right there. Poverty may suck, but at least you’ll be awake to enjoy it!
Cucina Deli, 1026 Second Ave., 801-322- 3055, CucinaDeli.com

THE PICKLE: You think you will miss the old private-club laws.
THE FIX: Go to The Trapp. When the new liquor laws doing away with club member requirements kick in on July 1 and make you nostalgic for the bad old days, fear not: Some clubs, such as The Trapp, are opting to maintain the old membership system. Sure, you have to pay a yearly membership fee—but since most clubs won’t require membership cards starting July 1, it kinda feels like you’re something special when they let you in. And, of course, you are.
The Trapp, 102 S. 600 West, 801-531-8727

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THE PICKLE: You long to become a wine expert, but a trip to Napa just isn’t in the cards.
THE FIX: Attend the fifth annual Park City Food and Wine Classic, an epicurean extravaganza that combines the best of both worlds for a weekend of savory—and educational— entertainment. Refine your palate and accrue the type of knowledge that’ll wow friends and family at your next dinner or cocktail party. This year’s Classic kicks off at the High West Distillery followed by a weekend of seminars on selecting, tasting and pairing wine, champagne and whiskey. If you can only make one event, don’t miss the Saturday Grand Tasting featuring nearly 70 wineries representing 600 different wines offering their wares to guests along with gourmet cooking demos and samples.
Park City Food & Wine Classic, July 9-12, ParkCityFoodandWineClassic.com

THE PICKLE: You forgot to slim down for swimsuit season.
THE FIX: Artful concealment. Two words: “board shorts.” Those of us who are, er, more amply proportioned are in luck this summer as the oversize, floral-print microfiber shorts do a great job of hiding certain parts we’d rather not share with the rest of the world. Available in both men’s and women’s styles, board shorts don’t discriminate on the basis of gender.

THE PICKLE: You feel like if you don’t chillax soon, you’re gonna go postal.
THE FIX: Just repeat after me, Om. What is Om, you ask? How about an old-school yoga meditation on the infinity of the universe, the meaning of nothing and everything all at once. And while you’re meditating on that, ponder this: for $125, you can escape the rat race and go on an Om Shanti retreat at the Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork June 26-28. The retreat offers yoga sessions, raw foods cooking classes, Kirtan devotional chanting classes and a llama hike along the Bonneville Pacific trail. OMG, that’s a good deal!
Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple, 8628 S. State Road, Spanish Fork, 801-798-3559, Utah-Krishnas.com, June 26-28

THE PICKLE: Under your mild-mannered exterior is a mythical elf-warrior desiring to do battle with dark minions in the park.
THE FIX: Yes! You can admit to yourself that you want to become a LARP, otherwise known as a Live Action Role Player. You’ve suffered the jokes and derision. But look, you’ve got to be you, right? Don’t worry, it’s OK to let your inner warrior out—because there’s a community of combatants like you who revel in donning wool-knit tights and faux-chain mail to wield particle board shields and foam swords in boff battles. So, come out for your mythical LARP quest. Or, if you’re still in the LARP closet and/or are a mocking detractor, LARP battle-spotting makes for a great park day activity.
Check LARP sites SLarpo.com or Mythic-Realms.com. For LARP spotting safaris, try Saturday afternoons at Liberty Park, 900 S. 500 East, or Crestwood Park, 1700 Siesta Drive (7485 South), Sandy

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