Hey, who is that good-looking guy grinning like a skunk eating garlic on the cover of the new slick Salt Lake magazine? Boy, it looks a lot like Chris “I broke the Olympic Scandal and Don’t Forget It” Vanocur.
By golly, it is Vanocur. Incidentally, he won City Weekly’s honorary “Best Disappearing Act” category this year in our Best of Utah issue. Well, it looks like he’s back—and he didn’t even go anywhere.
Down through the years, Vanocur has had a close working relationship with City Weekly. He’s written for us on topics from Vietnam to the Holocaust. And listen to this: City Weekly once sponsored a contest where the winner got a date with Vanocur! The winning entrant was a nice-looking blonde who had performed a tonsillectomy on herself with vicegrips.
• In an unrelated item, Linda Lovelace, star of the porn classic Deep Throat, died last week of injuries suffered in an auto accident. She was 53 and had become a crusader against pornography.
• Back to Salt Lake magazine: Another one of SmartBomb’s Channel 4 favorites, Randall Carlisle, is also featured in the June edition. Randall got a spread for his upscale loft in the remodeled Tire Town building on 300 West. He actually lives right above Tony Caputo’s deli. How does he stay so trim and hunky?
Most people don’t know this, but that is actually Randall’s real hair. In fact—and we had to dig through the archives for this one—Randall actually won “Best Anchor Hair” in our Best of Utah issue circa 1994.
As Channel 4 fans know, Randall is back as news anchor in his old 10 p.m. timeslot. Recently, Channel 5 refugee Ruth Todd, who looks like she gained a few pounds on her mission, joined him as co-anchor. That Guatemalan sun seems to have bleached out her hair, too. Ooo baby!
• Here’s a tidbit from our “Dumb Elected Official”-file: A DUI charge against Utah County Commissioner David Gardner has been tossed out. As you’ll recall, Gardner was cited in March 1999 by Utah County Sheriff’s deputies who found him with burned pants and shoes at the scene of a grass fire west of Santaquin. Gardner told investigators that a hitchhiker tricked him into drinking a lot of vodka. When he pulled off the road, his muffler ignited a small blaze that he attempted to stamp out.
Although he failed field sobriety tests, a judge ruled that he was detained for an inordinate amount of time before being formally arrested. Gardner was subsequently convicted of DUI following a separate incident in October 2001.
• And now the SmartBomb Quiz: Which of the following is the moral of the David Gardner story?
A-Don’t pick up hitchhikers and then accept strange beverages from them.
B-Don’t drive a car into a field of dry grass.
C-If you find yourself drunk at a grass fire, don’t attempt to stomp it out in your Dockers and Rockports.
D-If you find yourself drunk and stomping out a grass fire, when police arrive, don’t make up a real dumb story for which you’ll be ridiculed mercilessly.
Send you answers to firstname.lastname@example.org. The winner gets a weekend with Chris Vanocur at Hope Woodside’s house in Park City.
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