V-Day, No Way 

8 Valentines you don't want to receive

click to enlarge art17113.jpg

Eight Valentine’s Day cards you don’t want to receive:

8. “In the words of Taylor Swift …”

7. “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you put it in the trunk of my car without a struggle?”

6. “B mine or I’ll C U in L, K?”

5. “Our love has grown, but I have no rhymes besides ‘bone zone’ and ‘maybe you won’t die alone.’”

4. “Did it hurt? When you fell from the pole during ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’?”

3. “Your kisses are intoxicating—but we’re still going to have to hit the liquor store.”

2. “I said you could live in my heart rent-free … not my apartment, Amber!”

1. “Roses are red, violets are blue, our sex tape you didn’t know about is rated 94 percent on PornTube!”

Twitter: @Bill_Frost

Pin It
Favorite

Tags: , ,

More by Bill Frost

Latest in The Ocho

  • Master Debaters

    8 criteria candidates must meet to be considered by the Utah Debate Commission
    • Sep 24, 2014
  • Herbie: Fair & Balanced

    8 probable reasons Gov. Gary Herbert is vying for more airtime on Fox News
    • Sep 17, 2014
  • Bikin' With Becker

    8 conspiracy theories about Mayor Ralph Becker's new 300 South bike lanes
    • Sep 10, 2014
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

© 2014 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation