Eight touchy topics to avoid bringing up at the Thanksgiving dinner table this year:
8. That Timmy’s hand-turkey drawings from kindergarten are “hopelessly derivative” and “pedantic.”
7. Whether or not Fox News’ March to Socialist Oblivion Holiday Special is appropriate dining viewing.
6. That mom bought the turkey in a parking lot from “Krazy Karl’s Van O’ Savings.”
5. Your sister’s married boyfriend she had to invite because he “saw my post about this stupid dinner on Facebook.”
4. That honey-baked ham and Jim Beam aren’t really an optimal pairing.
3. The opinion of your Twitter followers that a house on wheels is less a “home” than a “rolling sadness box.”
2. Uncle Ron’s third “totally out-of-context” appearance on To Catch a Predator.
1. The future of your job as a snarky list-maker for a free newspaper found primarily in bars and bail-bonds waiting rooms.