TrueTV: Habeas Corpses 

Buh-bye Standoff, Hex and Harvey; hello Holly and Glenn.

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Absolute Garbage
All of Garbage’s videos on one DVD. See kids, Garbage was a rock band in the ’90s, with four ugly dudes and a hot Scottish redhead. (

Beer Drinkers in Space
Some Disney employees got drunk in 1984 and made a sci-fi movie in their garage; now it’s a Cult Classic … watched drunk. (

Factory Girl
Sex, drugs, rock & roll and Sienna Miller as tragic Warhol party-pixie Edie Sedgwick—who, incidentally, couldn’t act either. (

The Mormons
The two-hour-plus PBS Frontline documentary that pretty much tells the same story a South Park episode once did in a mere 30 minutes. (

Sandra Bullock’s husband is dead, then he isn’t, then he is again. Is she crazy, or did she just watch The Forgotten too many times? (

Voyagers: The Complete Series
Hunky pirate and young boy travel through time and seek adventure—in a platonic, non-creepy way. It was the innocent ’80s. (

More New DVD Releases
(July 17)

Bad Boys of Comedy: Season 2, Furia, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Taxicab Confessions: New York New York

Code Monkeys
Despite the hype, few TV shows are really all that watchable streamed online—but now there’s a series that actually looks better on a computer screen than on television: G4’s Code Monkeys, an office-place comedy about ’80s videogame designers animated in era-exact 8-bit crap-o-vision. Watch it on your $500 iPhone without feeling a trace of irony, dare you. (

Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96’s Radio From Hell. Crap-o-vision blogging at
True! Not tru!
Five years ago, this column changed its name from Tube Town to True TV after a protracted legal battle with Ron’s Tube Town, a Florida river inner-tubing business with deep pockets and probable mob ties (woke up with a disembodied VCR head in my bed one morning—just sayin’). Now, even deeper pockets—namely, Turner Broadcasting and TimeWarner—are going to rebrand Court TV as truTV (note pretentious lowercase “tru”) in October. Despite the missing “e,” does The Only TV Column That Matters™ have an intellectual-property case here? And will it be broadcast on Court/tru? After I get my multimillion-dollar settlement, so long suckers! Until then …

Friday, July 20 (Fox)
Series Finale: It’s canceled, have a nice closure—Drive fans do not feel your pain. Lesson learned: Standoff was cool series while it lasted, but now you’ve got to go back out into that great big world and never trust Fox again! Run, baby, run! Don’t look back …

Saturday, July 21 (BBC America)
Series Finale: Since the series is/was a British knockoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, will it end on a happy evil-is-vanquished note (à la Buffy) or a dark the-battle-has-just-begun atonal chord (à la Buffy spin-off Angel)? Good news, you depressive Angel fans: The Hex finale is really the soft opening for The End of Days, replete with blood, hellfire and other sexy goodness. Also, like Angel, Season 2 (which already aired in England two years ago, lest you accuse me of plot-spoilage) has been more twisty fun than its predecessor, thanks mostly to new lead Ella (Laura Pyper), who’s as oddly magnetic as last season’s heroine Cassie was pretty ’n’ dull. Now all we need is a spin-off sitcom: Thelma the Lesbian Ghost.

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law
Sunday, July 22 (Adult Swim)
Series Finale: Grim week—everything’s ending! Saddest of all is the demise of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, an Adult Swim staple since the late-night block launched in 2000. Not only does Harvey have the coolest theme song (“Do you reeeally want to feel him?”), it’s probably the fastest-paced 15 minutes ever produced for TV; it’s a wonder the average Adult Swim stoner could keep up with the gags. The final episode, in which our depressed and boozed-up hero is forced to retry all of his previous cases, stretches to 30 minutes and is entitled … “The Death of Harvey.” Now that’s closure.

Saving Grace
Monday, July 23 (TNT)
Series Debut: The Summer of Tough TV Broads continues with Holly Hunter as a hard-living Oklahoma City detective whose life is on Harvey Birdman-like skids until she goes drunken-driving and runs down some poor sap on the road—suddenly, a redneck angel appears to her with a plan for a better life. The Morality Police will probably miss that Advantages of Drunken Driving PSA as they’re losing their s—t over Saving Grace’s graphic (even for cable) sex and language, but for you regular folk (read: heathens), this is a strange series worth checking out—and it beats the hell out of House Lite, er, Heartland, TNT’s other potential new Closer companion.

Tuesday, July 24 (FX)
Series Debut: Nothing screams Edgy Programming like … Glenn Close and Ted Danson? Believe it. Damages is an over-the-top Legal Drama—capital L, capital D, starring Close as a courtroom version of The Shield’s Vic MacKay in heels and a power pantsuit: All grit, few morals. Damn, now I miss Harvey Birdman even more …
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