30 RockThursday, Oct. 4 (NBC) Season Premiere: Remember how last season I said that 30 Rock would survive while the similarly Saturday Night Live-themed Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip would collapse under its own pretensions? No? Anyway, 30 Rock is back in top funny form (as opposed to a few too many episodes Season 1), with Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin killin’ it to the point where they’re even upstaging loony Tracy Morgan—and then Jerry Seinfeld shows up! Holy fucking Emmy! Seinfeld arrives to protest Baldwin—who’s had a successful summer programming reality shows like America’s Next Top Pirate—digitally inserting his image into NBC shows (Jerry’s Law & Order: SVU turn, however, is pure Golden Globe bait) but, ultimately, he just makes Kenneth the Page moist. But what doesn’t?
SupernaturalThursday, Oct. 4 (The CW) Season Premiere: With an apocalyptic war looming, Sam and Dean have to hunt down demons from hell and drive to Nebraska—rough day, and yet they still look so pretty. For those keeping score, Dean (the one with the brooding good looks and short hair) only has a year to live, as per his deal with the Crossroads Demon to save Sam (the one with the brooding good looks and longer hair), who’s looking forward to having the Impala to himself next season. Here comes the hate mail …
TNA ImpactThursday, Oct. 4 (Spike) Season Premiere: There’s non-WWE pro rasslin’ on TV? Huh. Now if only someone would bring GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling) back—come on, Oxygen, step up. Total Nonstop Action Wresting—now there’s a proactive name—finally expands its Impact to two hours tonight, which is great news for those of us who enjoy seeing deposed wrestlers of yesteryear (Sting! Scott Steiner! The Dudley Boys! Jeff Jarrett! Raven! Kurt Angle! Kevin Nash! Rhino! Macho Man Randy Savage reincarnated as … a tiny black dude named Jay Lethal? Oooh yeeeaaah!) somewhat alive and not evangelizing for Jeebus (Ted DiBiase—WTF?). Disco Inferno, please call home.
Friday Night LightsFriday, Oct. 5 (NBC) Season Premiere: So Friday Night Lights is now on Fridays, which makes it easier to find (“The night’s in the title—figure it out, dummy!”) and, conversely, easier for NBC to cancel (“You had 156 viewers last season, and now you have 18—figure it out, dummy!”). And, as if The Only TV Column That Matters™ didn’t have enough reason to hate Friday Night Lights (heartwarming football drama, damned teenagers, Kyle Chandler, etc.), now it’s taking over Las Vegas’ timeslot—woe unto you who make me wait an extra hour for Vanessa Marcil. Call me when Disco Inferno guests as an evil rival-school coach.
Life Is WildSunday, Oct. 7 (The CW) Series Debut: A veterinarian moves his family of teens and tweens from New York City to a game reserve in South Africa to care for sick animals—this, like, totally sucks, Dad! But soon they’re all bonding and learning Valuable Life Lessons, and I’m wondering “What was so bad about Friday Night Lights?”
A Shot at Love With Tila TequilaTuesday, Oct. 8 (MTV) Series Debut: MySpace queen Tila Tequila admits what previous reality-dating show contestants (winking at you, Bachelors) buried deep in their closets: She’s bisexual and looking for love/fluids from either camp. Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels, hit the showers … separately, please. Ms. Tequila will narrow the field from 16 straight guys and 16 lesbians (as will actual tequila and whatever else is stocked in the mansion’s wet bar); drama, catfights, hot-tubbing, screaming, compulsive shirtlessness and The Apocalypse ensue. Should the world not implode, look for Dana DeArmond in The Horse Fuckerer next spring on Animal Planet.
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1408 An anti-paranormal author (John Cusack) checks into a haunted hotel room and gets his shit freaked royally. Didn’t see that coming. WeinsteinCo.com
The Comedians of Comedy: Live at the Troubadour Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford, David Cross, Sarah Silverman and more rock the Troub! Image-Entertainment.com
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Metalocalypse: Season 1 The hysterically brutal adventures of Dethklok, the world’s most powerful metal band and shadow-conspiracy targets. Sorry, Slayer. AdultSwim.com
The Paul Lynde Halloween Special The infamous once-aired variety show from 1976 with Kiss, wherein Paul Lynde and Paul Stanley’s gaydar canceled each other’s out. SmoreEnt.com
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The Sarah Silverman Program: Season 1 The most important socio-political dialogue of our time, or just a hot Jewish chick who says horrible things? Uh … cookie party! ComedyCentral.com
More New DVD Releases (Oct. 2) Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Entourage: Season 3 Part 2, Criminal Minds: Season 2, How I Met Your Mother: Season 2, I Love New York: Season 1, Jericho: Season 1, Shark: Season 1, Slayer: The Unholy Alliance Live, Species IV: The Awakening
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Queens of the Stone Age, “3s & 7s” QOTSA’s trash-tastic new Paul Minor-directed music video for “3s & 7s” almost makes up their new album’s overall lack of punch—almost. Four dirty vixens do it up grindhouse-style in a three-minute orgy of bullets, blades, blood and boobs set to an otherwise lightweight Queens tune. Look for it on MTV2, like, never.
Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96’s Radio From Hell. Blood, boobs and blogs at BillFrost.tv. cw
Panicked letters have been flooding in about the Feb. 17 (maybe) Digital TV Transition—not to The Only TV Column That Matters™, of course, but I’m always here to help. The following is a compendium (means summary) of concerns compiled into convenient FAQ (means Frequently Asked Questions, or Frost Ain’t Qualified) form. Prepare to have your Fears All Quelled (another FAQ). ...
If you embrace movies as works of art, not just as works of commerce, then here’s why you should embrace Coraline: Not a frame of it looks like it was crafted with a thought to who might actually want to buy a ticket. nI mean that as a compliment, and not a backhanded one. In contemporary Hollywood, there’s only one paradigm for selling any kind of feature animation, and that’s s...