True TV | Nein!: 99 things I don’t want to see on TV in 2009. 

click to enlarge art7194widea.jpg

n

n
nn n n n n n n
n

Former child stars in crisis

n

Current child stars in crisis

n

Best Week Ever, new format

n

Best Week Ever, old format

n

Any members of Poison

n

Any of Poison’s members

n

Anything … of Love

n

Prank shows

n

Skank shows

n

Kardashians

n

Hogans

n

Osbournes

n

Jon & Kate

n

Their Plus 8

n

Fat people

n

Skinny people

n

Anyplace … Ink

n

Real Housewives of … anywhere

n

The Real World: anywhere

n

Top … anything

n

Bachelors

n

Bachelorettes

n

Sassy cougars

n

Brassy cougars

n

Shirtless meatheads

n

Meatless entrees

n

Frank Caliendo

n

Seriously—Frank Caliendo

n

ABC Family

n

TMZ

n

The CW

n

The ShamWow

n

The Iron Gym

n

Dominos via TiVo

n

Morally ambiguous cops

n

Morally ambiguous lawyers

n

Morally ambiguous doctors

n

Morally ambiguous hair stylists

n

The Cleaner

n

Clean bikers

n

Dirty Jobs

n

Any dancing whatsoever

n

The Soup rip-offs

n

The Soup spin-offs

n

British judges

n

Crazy judges

n

Guest judges

n

Judge anything

n

“Just You Watch the Best”

n

Studio 5

n
n

“Let Bill Buy It”

n

The Hive

n

Time-Life music collections

n

Lifetime movies

n

Anime

n

Animal Planet

n

Jay Leno (at any time)

n

Showtime without nudity

n

HBO without nudity

n

BBC America with nudity

n

Sandra Bullock movies

n

Kate Hudson movies

n

The ______ Awards

n

Numbered list shows

n

Listed number shows

n

Clean House

n

House marathons

n

Poker as a sport

n

Soccer as a sport

n

The end of Battlestar Galactica

n

The continuation of Sanctuary

n

Stargate: anything

n

The Hills

n

Any derivation of The Hills

n

Audrina’s Patridge’s horse teeth

n

Lauren Conrad’s un-severed head

n

Utahns on reality TV

n

Utahns on reality TV on “the news”

n

Dr. Phil

n

Dr. 90210

n

The Doctors

n

Kath

n

Kim

n

Gay assistants

n

Straight designers

n

Tyler Perry’s anything

n

Knight Rider

n

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

n

Game shows in primetime

n

The Game Show Network

n

American Gladiators

n

America’s Got Talent

n

Sean Hannity’s America

n

Fox News Channel

n

Fox Reality Channel

n

Matthew Fox

n

Diddy

n

Fiddy

n

Paige fucking Davis

n
n

DVD

n

n

n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
Balls Out
n A psychotic high school janitor (Seann William Scott) inexplicably steps up as the tennis coach to a rag-tag group of underdogs inexplicably on their way to the state finals. Will his unorthodox ways lead them to inexplicable victory? Duh! (Sony.com)
Mr. Mike’s Mondo Video
n Late SNL writer Michael O’Donoghue’s twisted 1979 TV special rejected by NBC, finally on DVD! With the bonuses “Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tales,” “The Enchanted Thermos” and “The Little Train That Died”! (ShoutFactory.com)
My Best Friend’s Girl
n Big-nosed boy (Jason Biggs) is rejected by flat-chested girl (Kate Hudson), so he brings in his obnoxious buddy (Dane Cook) to piss her off and drive her back. Naturally, obnoxious buddy falls for flat-chested girl. Duh! (Lionsgate.com)
Saxondale: Seasons 1 & 2
n Rock & roll roadie-turned-bug-killer Tommy Saxondale (Steve Coogan) kicks against the pricks in the British suburbs in the hysterical BBC series, frequenting hookers and beating up hippies. An inspiration for us all. (BBCAmerica.com)
Wannabe Rocker
n Not to be confused with Rainn Wilson’s The Rocker: A struggling female rock singer tries to attract record-company attention by throwing a fake party for Cher … So, this isn’t a porno? Really? Never mind … (MaverickEntertainment.cc)
nMore New DVD Releases (Jan. 13)
nAppaloosa, Blackout, Choose Connor, Contract Killers, Dallas: Season 10, Hit & Run, Humboldt County, The Marriage Counselor, Mirrors, On the Road With Judas, Reba: Season 5, Shut Up & Shoot, Swing Vote, ‘Til Death: Season 2, Tokyo Gore Police

n n

Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96’s Radio From Hell. Hippie beatings at BillFrost.tv.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Dark Horse

    BoJack Horseman returns, tragicomic as ever; Looking says buh-bye.
    • Jul 20, 2016
  • School's In

    Vice Principals takes Eastbound & Down to class; BrainDead isn't dead yet.
    • Jul 13, 2016
  • Law & Disorder

    The Night Of takes on the (in)justice system; Mr. Robot is back for the re-hack.
    • Jul 6, 2016
  • More »

Latest in Film & TV

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation