Sunday, June 13 (HBO)
Season Premiere: No, True Blood isn’t mirroring (ha!) The Most Idiotic Franchise in Film History, the Twilight series, by adding werewolves to the previously vampire-centric show now in Season 3. Alan Ball’s deliriously campy/occasionally scary adaptation of The Southern Vampire Mysteries obliterates any comparison to the new wave of pussy-bats, and remains more fun than anything he did with Six Feet Under post-Season 1. In 2009’s finale, vamp Bill (Stephen Moyer) had been kidnapped after proposing to telepath Sookie (Anna Paquin) by persons/ beings unknown. Turns out, someone has a big job opportunity for Bill—quite literally, an offer he can’t refuse. But, as much if not more so than before, True Blood is about all the inhabitants of Bon Temps, not just Bill and Sookie. The town is still feeling the supernatural hangover of a mind-control orgy, and everyone has a juicy new storyline or two to follow—especially newbie vampire Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), learning the ropes of (not) bloodsucking. And, would you believe, a werewolf bar called … Lou Pine’s? Top that, humorless Twilighties.
The Whitest Kids U’Know
Friday, June 11 (IFC)
Season Premiere: The Whitest Kids U’Know are the most sick, wrong and non-Canadian sketch comedy troupe working in mid-tier cable today—let’s get that on a DVD box. WKUK may never top last season’s “Grapist” sketch (about a juice ad campaign starring a menacing man in a grape costume telling kids he’s going to “Grape you in the mouth!”), but tonight’s hysterically stoopid “Sex Robot” sets up a promising Season 4. Oh, not that all of the Kids’ sketches revolve around deviant sex. Most, but not all.
Saturday, June 12 (SyFy)
Is Stonehenge really an alien device that was used to terraform the earth eons (or a couple of decades, depending upon your religion) ago? Is its mysterious reactivation causing natural disasters around the globe? Can a crazy conspiracy-talk radio host (Supernatural’s Misha Collins) stop an even crazier cult leader (CSI:NY’s Hill Harper) who’s somehow aiding and abetting the coming Apocalypse? Couldn’t SyFy find a better Requisite Babe co-star than Torri Higginson (Stargate Atlantis)? Just wait for Dinocroc vs. Supergator (!) starring David Carradine (!!) on June 26, instead.
Sunday, June 13 (AMC)
Season Finale: Best drama on TV—hell, any medium—right now. If the final minute of June 6’s penultimate Breaking Bad episode didn’t prove what a crime-comfy badass Walt (Bryan Cranston) has become, tonight’s sendoff for the season definitively proves that the formerly weak-sauce chemistry teacher has come a long way and is proactively shortening his own time on the planet because of it. Not even the accountants at AMC expect a meth-cooker drama to last forever, and producer/creator Vince Gilligan has stated several times that he’d like an end-date to shoot for—realistically, he could take out Walt and Jesse (Aaron Paul) at any time and even the most hardcore Breaking Bad fan would admit, “Yeah, that had to happen.” No, that’s not a spoiler … far as you know.
Warren the Ape
Monday, June 14 (MTV)
Series Debut: First of all, a Greg the Bunny character spin-off? Second of all, Warren the Ape? As no one recalls, Warren was the classically-trained-and-industry-frustrated thespian puppet who played second fiddle to Greg’s everyman/bunny rawness on Greg the Bunny, which ran on Fox (2002) and in a bizarro revival on IFC (2005-08). Warren the Ape is a faux celebrity-reality show wherein Warren attempts to clean up and get his career back on track—with the help of Dr. Drew Pinsky. The odds are waaay better for Warren than, say, Steven Adler or Tom Sizemore, doc.