Eight most-cited reasons for waiting in line for the grand opening of Trader Joe’s:
8. Needed something hard-hitting to lead off our noon, 4, 5, 6 and 10 p.m. newscasts.
7. To fill gnawing void in soul after waiting in line for the opening of Whole Foods.
6. Scouting potential sanctuaries for impending zombie and/or Republican apocalypse.
5. To give somebody an earful about not carrying Two-Buck Chuck—have you heard about this?!
4. Need to post the first Yelp review before that stupid FoodieJudy7735.
3. Thought it was an indoor swap meet; have two dozen pairs of irregular pleather pants to unload.
2. To soothe nautical-shopping pangs until someone opens a damned Long John Silver’s around here, already.
1. As a childless urban liberal with a camping chair, what else do I have to do?