This Ain’t Margaritaville | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

This Ain’t Margaritaville 

Pin It
Favorite

Ignorance is, after all, bliss. So, you may not know how bad you’ve really got it, living here in Utah, until the national news media gets done sniffing around. They have come to check us out before the big Olympic party and have a revelation for you: This is the land of “weak margaritas.”

We kid you not. In the April issue of The Washington Monthly, Stephanie Mencimer writes in a lengthy epistle called “Theocracy in America” that “Mormon control of Utah creates some of the world’s weakest margaritas.”

You can talk about polygamy all you want. But it’s reports like that one that could really throw a damper on economic growth. Business people will be aghast. Weak margaritas? Well, Harold, we sure as hell can’t relocate the firm to Utah!

But as Jonathan Winters said in It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, “That ain’t all.” According to the article, “Living as a non-Mormon in Utah may be the closest a white person can come to understanding what it’s like to be a minority in this country.

“It’s not that Mormons are bad people. They aren’t,” writes Mencimer. “Mostly, they are reared to be part of the Thought Police, and their heightened sensitivity to moral infractions makes them rather humorless. Imagine living next door to the Osmonds.”

Of course, there are many, many good things about living in Utah, whether or not outsiders care to recognize them. At the moment, however, the staff here at Smartbomb can’t think of any. But there are worse places, and just to prove it, here’s a rundown of news from elsewhere:

A New York prison guard has been charged with cruelty to animals. Sgt. Ronald Hunlock, of the Sing Sing prison allegedly found a box of kittens in an inmate’s cell in March, dumped them in trash compactor and turned on the machine. Meow!

A Tampa, Fla., radio talk show host also was charged with cruelty to animals for the castration and slaughter of a wild boar in the parking lot of station WXTB. It was all part of the station’s “Roadkill Barbecue” promotion in February. Smokin’.

Some state legislators in Florida are threatening to cut funding to Florida Atlantic University following the production of a play featuring a gay Christ character. The play, Corpus Christi, surrounds a Christ-like character growing up gay in Texas. School administrators were apparently unaware of the play’s content. Academic freedom?

Dr. Laura, the TV show hosted by radio talk show host Laura Schlessinger has been cancelled. The show, boycotted by gay groups, was cancelled after one season. Schlessinger has labeled homosexuality as deviant behavior and a “biological error.” Bottom line—advertisers feeling the pressure of the boycott pulled out.

And finally this, back here in Utah, the Salt Lake (Olympic) Organizing Committee has denied press credentials to the 2002 Winter Games to two Spanish language newspapers. La Prensa and Mundo Hispano had applied but were rejected, according to a SLOC spokeswoman because—well, just because.

Pin It
Favorite

More by Christopher Smart

  • Flying Dinosaur Days: Christopher Smart (Editor 1996-2002)

    It’s all a fog now, but as I review the fossil record—with carbon-14 dating, of course—it appears that I started at City Weekly sometime in 1993 as a freelancer ...
    • Jun 23, 2010
  • Breaking Free

    The healing force for one prison inmate was the discovery of his art.
    • Sep 6, 2007
  • Ruben Retaliates

    In an unusual move, Salt Lake City Police Chief Ruben Ortega released protected personnel documents to news media in an apparent attempt to embarrass or retaliate against one of his police officers and president of the local police union. It was the...
    • Sep 6, 2007
  • More »

Latest in News

  • Life Elevated

    While a repackaged hate-crimes bill stalled in the legislative session, a Blue Lives Matter bill sailed through.
    • Mar 22, 2017
  • Utah and Booze

    A complicated relationship.
    • Mar 22, 2017
  • Secret Agent

    In the aftermath of the Swallow acquittal, questions dog a state investigator.
    • Mar 15, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

‚Äč

Readers also liked…

  • Litigious City

    A would-be property owner says Salt Lake City is suing him for fraud for attempts to acquire watershed lands
    • Aug 12, 2015
  • Killing Fields

    Utah pays hunters $500,000 a year to kill coyotes
    • Sep 9, 2015

© 2017 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation