The Ocho | Salt Lake City Weekly

Outdoor Derailers

Eight Gov. Gary Herbert-endorsed conventions to replace Utah’s biannual Outdoor Retailer show:

Fast Frankenfood

Eight new fast-food innovations coming soon to top Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa:

Damned Grammys

Eight more artists boycotting the 2017 Grammy Awards besides Kanye West, Drake and Justin Bieber:

10 Years of This?

Eight fun factoids for the 10th anniversary of The Ocho:
Rumors that The Ocho is crafted by a secret team of writers are false. It would be waaay better.

Love, Factually

Eight—you knew this was coming—Alternative Facts:
The planet isn’t getting hotter; outer space is becoming cooler.

#UpYrTrump

Eight hashtags to follow on Inauguration Day for President Donald Trump:
#HurryUpMeteor

The Porn Identity

Eight adult films that triggered Utah Sen. Todd Weiler to sue for damages:
8. Bare Rears at Bears Ears: Furry Dudes’ Nature Campout ...

Get Pumped, Bro!

Eight gyms for semi-committed New Year’s Resolutioners in 2017
Pizzatheory Fitness (“All the Slices You Can Lift”)

Suck It, 2016

Eight tired phrases to leave behind in 2016 (and their 2017 replacements):
“Fam” and “Squad” (use instead: “Amalgamate” and “Reich”)

Blue Xmas

Eight last-minute stocking-stuffers for the distraught Democrat in your life:
The West Wing Virtual Reality Experience, with VR glasses and President Jed Bartlet body pillow (Best Buy, $299).

Total Recount

Eight more recount campaigns to come from Jill Stein:
The Best Metal Performance 2017 Grammy nominations (“Korn? Seriously?”)

De-gift Guide

Eight local stores that went out of business before City Weekly’s Gift Guide was finished.
Voluminous Vixen Plus-Size Lingerie Boutique

Faking News

Eight ways to spot a “fake news” website
It features ads from dubious entities like “Get Rich Now!” “Russian Brides Are Waiting!” and “The Utah Democratic Party.”

No Thanks

Eight texts to get you out of spending Thanksgiving with your family
“Our popular vote said we’d come, but our electoral vote was a hard no. Sorry!”

Red, White & Screwed

Eight just-dropped protest songs for a new America:
“Not My Orange Hitler,” by Skinheads Who Can’t Even

We Called It!

Eight headlines prepared by City Weekly to cover all possible 2016 Election outcomes
“Utah to Secede Before Hillary Clinton is Sworn In”

Occupy Birdhouse

Eight proposed new reality shows for the acquitted Bundys and Oregon standoff defendants:
Eight proposed new reality shows for the acquitted Bundys and Oregon standoff defendants:

Rigging, Bigly

Eight ways to rig the 2016 election:
Untitled Document

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