Drinkin' With Herbie

8 reasons Gov. Gary Herbert opposes privatization of Utah's liquor sales

Seacrest, Out

8 reasons American Idol has finally been cancelled by Fox

Sorry, Mom

8 terrible, terrible Mother's Day cards

Avengers: Age of Ocho-tron

8 Marvel superheroes and supervillians not featured in the new Avengers: Age of Ultron
8. Iron Vegan ...

Hillary vs. Utah

8 presidential candidates who would receive more votes in Utah than Hillary Clinton in 2016
Zombie Reagan ...

Water Works

8 ways for Utahns to preserve water in this low runoff season
8. Water the sidewalk and that far corner of lawn every other day ...

Eat It

8 local restaurants and bars that closed before we could review them
8. The Sausage Trough ...

Obama & Utah

8 reasons President Obama is visiting Utah, according to local talk radio
8. To check on progress of chemtrails re: turning population into Muslims ...

March Ocho-ness

8 college basketball teams that don't actually exist (adjust your NCAA March Madness brackets accordingly)
8. Alabama Evolutionists ...

The Other Bills

8 lesser-known bills passed by the 2015 Utah Legislature
8. Anybody can marry anybody—but only in the presence of the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost and that one Mormon relative who's "cool with it."

Pass on the Paddy's Parade

8 reasons you'll be skipping the St. Patrick's Day parade Saturday
8. Too morning-drunk to participate ...

Snow-Go

8 reminders for Utahns driving in late-winter snow
8. Never use turn signals—they're distracting ...

Kiddie Kops

8 clues that a police-dispatched teenage CUB (Covert Underage Buyer) is in your bar
8. He hands out business cards that say, "Ask me about my affordable entrapment services." ...

Fore!

8 reasons to keep Salt Lake City's struggling public golf courses open
8. Scruffy caddies and upper-crust golfers have to battle hilariously somewhere ...

Clear & Presents Danger

8 Valentine's Day gifts and what they really mean
8. Chocolates: "Maybe these will shut you up so I can get 30 seconds of peace ...

Milk & Coke

8 potential competitors to Coca-Cola's new "premium milk," Fairlife
Wild Turkey White: 2 Percent & 102 Proof ...

Super Bowling

8 ways to make sure that your team wins the Super Bowl
8. Realize that the universe is hurtling toward entropy and nothing really matters ...

Wreckin' the Decks

8 can't-miss celebrity DJ sets happening during the 2015 Sundance Film Festival
8. Denchinator 5000 (Dame Judi Dench) ...

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