The Ocho | Vote, Utah! 

Pin It
click to enlarge art6501widea.jpg

Eight sure-fire tricks to get Utah voters out to the Feb. 5 presidential primaries:

The Jazz Bear shooting voter info pamphlets out of a T-shirt gun.

7. Voting booths placed at the end of buffet lines.

6. Complimentary “Pulling for Polling” massages, sponsored by Ron’s Rub & Tug.

5. Karaoke!

4. Free movie passes to that new Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson pile of crap.

3. Every 10th person gets an extra vote for Ron Paul, “Just for the hell of it.”

2. Wii-compatible electronic voting machines.

1. A two-drink minimum.

Pin It


More by Bill Frost

  • Rigging, Bigly

    Eight ways to rig the 2016 election:
    • Oct 26, 2016
  • Net Worthless

    The Great Indoors wastes Joel McHale; Stan Against Evil shakes up Halloween.
    • Oct 26, 2016
  • Tech Your Head

    Black Mirror returns to troll your fears; Dirk Gently is sheer madness.
    • Oct 19, 2016
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • Rigging, Bigly

    Eight ways to rig the 2016 election:
    • Oct 26, 2016
  • Rocktober Rulez!

    The eight indisputable rules of Rocktober, 2016 edition:
    • Oct 19, 2016
  • Ooh, Spooky!

    Behold the 8 scariest Halloween costumes of 2016.
    • Oct 12, 2016
  • More »


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Obama & Utah

    8 reasons President Obama is visiting Utah, according to local talk radio
    • Apr 1, 2015
  • WhiskeyPete Was Here

    8 other suspected "secret" online pseudonyms used by Mayor Ralph Becker's spokesman besides "WhiskeyPete" on The Salt Lake Tribune's website
    • Aug 5, 2015

© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation