Eight answers/predictions from the Magic 8-Ball for the year of 2008:
8. Q: Will certain City Weekly staffers repent for their booze-fueled company holiday-party antics? A: “Reply hazy, try again.”
7. Q: Will they repeat the same antics elsewhere on New Year’s Eve? A: “You may rely on it.”
6. Q: Will KNRS 570 talk-show host Bob Lonsberry be caught diddling young boys while whacked out on OxyContin? A: “Better not tell you now.”
5. Q: Will a local punk band name themselves The Dumpster Puppies? A: “As I see it, yes.”
4. Q: Will KUTV 2’s Cristina Flores across the street ever answer my not-at-all-stalker-like fan letters? A: “Don’t count on it.”
3. Q: Will Utah vote blindly for yet another Republican presidential candidate in November, even if he’s a godless adulterer with bad hair? A: “Signs point to yes.”
2. Q: Will The Ocho finally win a Society of Professional Journalists award this year? A: “Outlook not so good.”
1. Q: Will Rocky Anderson continue to bitch about “City Weekly-style journalism” long after everybody stops listening? A: “Yes—definitely."