Eight ways Utahns will be spending Labor Day weekend:
8. Looking for a new, low-paying menial job to replace previous menial, low-paying job.
7. Hosting a yard sale to unload all the crap bought at Memorial Day weekend yard sales.
6. Fabricating inconsequential, everyday activities to post on Twitter every 10 minutes.
5. Focusing powerful mind beams on John McCain (Mitt Romney only).
4. Convincing selves that the lawn that died over the summer is now “pre-Xeriscape.”
3. Mastering Guitar Hero: Aerosmith before moving on to Guitar Hero: Jonas Brothers.
2. Watching the first two seasons of Big Love on DVD.
1. Living the first two seasons of Big Love on the compound.
Bonus: 0. Counting up gratuitous Big Love references from previous Ochos.