The Ocho | Nigel’s Metal 8 

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Eight songs you’ll never hear The Metal Gods—celebrating 301 shows at Liquid Joe’s this week—perform, as told by singer Nigel Thames:

8. “Christine Sixteen,” Kiss: Because Gene’s spoken middle eight is really, really, really creepy.

7. “Midnite Maniac,” Krokus: Because people who get laid to Krokus ... shouldn’t.

6. “Open Letter to a Landlord,” Living Colour: Inner-city urban angst doesn’t quite resonate in Utah.

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5. “Battery,” Metallica: Ratio of hookups to fistfights during Metallica songs? Zero to lots.

4. “Angry Again,” Megadeth: See No. 5 above.

3. “Armageddon It,” Def Leppard: A biblical term turned into a copulation cliché. Nice.

2. “When the Children Cry,” White Lion: I hate kids. Weeping children make me laugh hysterically, and I can’t sing while I’m giggling.

1. “Smoke on the Water,” Deep Purple: Because after the opening riff, who gives a shit?

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Nigel Thames

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