8. MySpaced: For people, bands and pedophiles who’ve forgotten their old MySpace account and login.
7. Knitter: For communicating in 140 characters or less with other hipsters who insist on wearing knit trapper hats year-round.
6. SweetSpirit: Dating site for over-30 LDS singles featuring no photo hosting, because it’s what’s inside that matters.
5. BlottoSpot: Video-sharing site to help blackout drunks piece together what happened after that 11th JagerBomb last night.
4. ApostropheNow: For illiterates who can’t distinguish between their and they’re, ’90s and 90’s, its and it’s, etc.
3. Bullchit: For unemployed hacks who’ve somehow become “social media gurus” and “SEO optimization consultants” overnight.
2. Friendster: Retro site for those who want to escape their parents, old classmates and bosses everywhere else.
1. Facialbook: You probably don’t want to know.