Eight ways The Ocho is torn over whom to endorse in the Salt Lake City mayoral race:
8. Ralph Becker: Pro: Wants rivers of booze flowing through the streets. Con: Shares surname with lousy Ted Danson sitcom.
7. Dave Buhler: Pro: Plans to increase affordable downtown housing. Con: “Reasonable Guy” ad campaign is more annoying than that Big O Tires cowboy.
6. Keith Christensen: Pro: Would like to make Salt Lake City more bicyclist-friendly. Con: Looks creepy in biker spandex.
5. J.P. Hughes: Pro: Is for preservation of historical neighborhoods. Con: This quote: “Every colon looks the same.”
4. Quinn Cady McDonough: Pro: Lists City Weekly in his top MySpace Friends. Con: Shares surname with City Weekly staff writer/archenemy of The Ocho.
3. Robert Muscheck: Pro: Is completely batshit crazy. Con: Is completely batshit crazy.
2. John Renteria: Pro: Supports progressive leadership. Con: May kick your ass if you don’t.
1. Jenny Wilson: [Ocho comedy gold deleted to make room for obligatory “Jenny Wilson is City Weekly editor Holly Mullen’s stepdaughter” disclaimer]