Eight ways Utahns are spending Memorial Day weekend:
8. Regretting time and texting charges wasted on American Idol.
7. Programming 72-hour tribute to David Archuleta (Fox 13 only).
6. Putting finishing touches on doomsday laser and, time permitting, list of demands.
5. Desperately trying to be caller No. 25 to win Journey tickets.
4. Arguing with neighbor about doomsday laser blocking sunlight from tomato garden.
3. Finishing Minuteman internship on Utah/Arizona border.
2. Loitering in front of 7-Eleven Slurpee machine. Got a problem with that, bud?
1. Frantically dreaming up eight pithy items for stupid job.