The Ocho | Black Holes & Red Lobsters 

Pin It
Favorite
click to enlarge art5326widea.jpg

Eight last-minute items on Utahns’ to-do lists before the Large Hadron Collider plunged the planet into a black hole on Wednesday:

8. Get reservations for last supper at Red Lobster.

7. Break news to kids: “Look, everyone in High School Musical is gay or a junkie ...” 

6. Renegotiate mortgage loan to reflect Zargon 5 sub-prime rates on the other side.

5. Splurge on an item from the top shelf of the State Liquor Store.

4. TiVo 90210, just in case we aren’t sucked in a vacuous hole of nothingness.

3. Send cc’d e-mail to boss, ex-wife and Doug Wright: “See you in hell, motherfucker!”

2. Hit Old Navy’s “End of Days Camis & Tanks Sale” after work.

1. Drop absentee write-in vote for Jesus/McCain/Romney in mail.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Dinner Pests

    My Kitchen Rules is half-baked; Homeland and Teachers return.
    • Jan 11, 2017
  • The Porn Identity

    Eight adult films that triggered Utah Sen. Todd Weiler to sue for damages:
    • Jan 11, 2017
  • Crazy Cool

    Crazyhead reinvigorates the demon dramedy; Tom Hardy is Taboo.
    • Jan 4, 2017
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • The Porn Identity

    Eight adult films that triggered Utah Sen. Todd Weiler to sue for damages:
    • Jan 11, 2017
  • Get Pumped, Bro!

    Eight gyms for semi-committed New Year’s Resolutioners in 2017
    • Jan 4, 2017
  • Suck It, 2016

    Eight tired phrases to leave behind in 2016 (and their 2017 replacements):
    • Dec 28, 2016
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • SLC FYI

    8 facts and tips for first-timers visiting Salt Lake City
    • Jul 15, 2015
  • Ocho Bräu

    8 breweries that weren't invited to our 2015 Utah Beer Festival
    • Aug 12, 2015

© 2017 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation