Eight last-minute items on Utahns’ to-do lists before the Large Hadron Collider plunged the planet into a black hole on Wednesday:
8. Get reservations for last supper at Red Lobster.
7. Break news to kids: “Look, everyone in High School Musical is gay or a junkie ...”
6. Renegotiate mortgage loan to reflect Zargon 5 sub-prime rates on the other side.
5. Splurge on an item from the top shelf of the State Liquor Store.
4. TiVo 90210, just in case we aren’t sucked in a vacuous hole of nothingness.
3. Send cc’d e-mail to boss, ex-wife and Doug Wright: “See you in hell, motherfucker!”
2. Hit Old Navy’s “End of Days Camis & Tanks Sale” after work.
1. Drop absentee write-in vote for Jesus/McCain/Romney in mail.
Tue., May 5, 4-7 p.m. / $20 Donation for HAIRCUTS