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Eight reasons Andrei Kirilenko wants to leave the Utah Jazz before his $63 million contract is up:
8. His burning desire to play for [insert any team/country/planet where Jazz coach Jerry Sloan isn’t] is just too strong.
7. Wife Masha’s clothing store in The Gateway will easily make up the income difference.
6. “It’s not you, it’s me. And by me, I mean my fucking coach.”
5. He can’t wait to play ball in Russia, where he’s considered a handsome chick-magnet.
4. Even more bizarre, he’s also considered a decent shooter there.
3. Kirilenko feels the millions of dollars he’d forfeit would be better utilized buying new Jazz players or “a woodchipper big enough to feed Jerry Sloan into … hypothetically.”
2. AK-47’s endorsement deal with Doug’s Shoot ‘N Sports never quite panned out.
1. “Uh, I have a sick daughter I need to go care for … yeah, that’s it. She’s allergic to Utah. Oh, and Jerry Sloan sucks!”
cw
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