The Burger Burn 

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With the advent of City’s Weekly’s buyout by the LDS Church [“End Times,” April 1, City Weekly], I thought it would only be appropriate, at this time, to bear my testimony.

The truth and knowledge came to me while I was eating a double cheeseburger at the new In-N-Out Burger in Draper. As I was eating, I was reading the most recent Deep End article by Brother D.P. Sorensen. Suddenly, I was overcome with the strongest burning in my bosom—a burning so strong that it required half a bottle of Tums and three glasses of milk to bring me back to this side of the veil. It was at that moment that I realized that what Brother Sorensen was saying was true.

These are signs of the times, City Weekly. The church has recognized Brother Sorensen’s calling as a special Patriarch and Revelator to City Weekly’s readership. From his mission companionship with Mitt Romney to making friends with the Three Nephites, it is clear to me that Brother Sorensen must have done great things in the War in Heaven. I would like to commend Brother Sorensen and City Weekly on a great job and thank you for fulfilling your callings in this great work.

Taaffe Oakey
North Salt Lake

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