8. Don’t insist that your sketch-comedy troupe provide the “alternative” halftime show.
7. Don’t buy an off-brand HD TV the day before at Krazy Karl’s Kloseout Korner …
6. … even if it does come with a free vat of “semi-fresh” Slovakian buffalo wings.
5. Don’t invite wives or girlfriends—unless they’re strippers, chefs or nurses who can treat Slovakian buffalo-wing poisoning.
4. Don’t keep changing the channel to The Puppy Bowl because you have “some serious money riding on the pug/shih tzu spread.”
3. Don’t turn off the sound and plug in the “kick-ass Nickelback mix” you made for game day … and your wedding reception.
2. Don’t drag out your old “Soccer is the more cerebral sport and I’m still pissed that none of you came to my World Cup party” rant.
1. Don’t acknowledge any prior familiarity with Glee when it comes on after the game; stifle squeals and use of “jazz hands.”