StaffBox | What would you replace Columbus Day with? 

Pin It
Favorite

If you replaced Columbus Day, what would you replace it with?

Derek Jones: Excessive Drinking and Party Day … wait, isn’t that basically every other holiday?

Jamie Gadette: Lindsay Lohan Day! The one day when getting wasted in Salt Lake City is permissible. (According to Extra! and Entertainment Tonight reports, all of Utah is bone dry.)

Brandon Burt: The best holidays, like Halloween, Christmas and Easter, all seem to have pre-Christian origins. Let’s do it like the pagans did it—we’ll take all the politicians who continue to promote failed policies, load them into a locked, wooden structure and set it on fire. Call it Wicker Man Day.

Nick Clark: Another St. Patrick’s Day.

Derek Carlisle: Replace it with good old Oct. 12. We’d still have to work, but the bankers and postal workers would, too.

Stephen Matney: I’d replace it with Pre-Christmas, of course! It’s basically the same as Christmas, only it happens before Christmas.

Blade Brown: I would replace it with Tommy Lee day. He discovered the heart of America! Without big-boobed blondes, this country would be nothing.

Justin Healy: I would replace it with a holiday that somebody actually gives a crap about. I would like anything more than Columbus Day as long as I actually get the day off.

Suzie Broshous: I would replace it with Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Overworked, Huddled Masses Day.

Faith Burnham: National Kick-Butt Day! Or, if you prefer your celebrations with a little bit of irony, Columbus Day shares the same place on the calendar as National Native Americans’ day. Niiiice.

Nathan Levinson: Jack Kevorkian Day! The death Columbus brought was painful and drawn out. At least ol’ Jack is humane about it.

Jennifer Higgins: I would change it to The Knights Templar Gain One More Towards World Domination Day.

Paula Saltas: This is for that employee who didn’t like the lack of mail delivery on Columbus Day. He said, “Why don’t we just have Hannibal Lecter Day?”

Jeff Reese: Apologize to the Native Americans Day.

Pin It
Favorite

More by City Weekly Staff

  • Words for Change

    Founded by Kirsten Johanna Allen and Mark Bailey in 2010, the company is committed to sharing the stories that show humans' relationship with the natural world
    • Jan 18, 2017
  • The Essential A&E Picks for Jan. 19-25

    En Plein Air, Man of La Mancha, Kevin Smith, Carve the Mark
    • Jan 18, 2017
  • The Essential A&E Picks for Jan. 12-18

    Comedian Rachel Feinstein, 'Tower' with director Keith Maitland, 'Kinky Boots' and more.
    • Jan 11, 2017
  • More »

Latest in News

  • "When Women Run, Women Win"

    Exploring the storied, difficult road for women in Utah politics.
    • Jan 18, 2017
  • Bad Day at Red Rock

    Moab's former city manager alleges she was fired for being a whistleblower on troubled police dept.
    • Jan 18, 2017
  • Biskupski: The First Year

    Milestones, missteps line the mayor's first 366 days in office.
    • Jan 4, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Armed Resistance

    A new report links Utah legislator to patriot groups
    • Aug 26, 2015
  • Endless Litigation

    Lawmakers favor $14 million lawsuit against U.S. to gain control of public lands.
    • Dec 10, 2015

© 2017 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation