Staffbox | Obama's First Order
Today, you have a new president. First order of business for the new guy?
nDerek Carlisle: Stand in front of the U.S. Presidential Seal and say something intelligent. Oh, God, my eyes are already swelling.
n nTed Scheffler: Get some sleep and shut the hell up! You’ve been sleep-deprived and yakking for way too long.
n nJesse James Burnitt: Get out of Iraq, Afghanistan and anywhere else our greedy asses don’t belong. Redirect the money from the war machine into development of alternative fuels and renewable energy and provide quality health care and education for all Americans. The old ways are dead, man. Move on.
n nJennifer Nixon: A swift kick to Bush’s ass.
n nBrandon Burt: The first order of business should be to track down George W. Bush and keep a very close eye on him. To avoid embarrassment, the GOP’s had him under lock and key during the campaign but, like ferrets left unattended, the Bushies could still do a lot of damage between now and January.
n nScott Renshaw: Figuring out what cleaning product will clear the stench of failure out of the White House?
n nCezar Guzman: Like my friend Mercury Ruiz says, “Converting the White House to the O.G. Black House!”
n nAnnie Quan: I’m planning on going to Europe in the spring. Please get the dollar back up so I don’t have to pay $14 for a beer.
nJayne Pedersen: First order of business: Make moose-hunting in Alaska illegal, just to fuck with that Sarah Palin. Then, find out what the hell is growing on the sides of McCain’s face!
n nCody Winget: Fix the economy. I like my job and would like to keep it, and I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels that way.
n nBryan Bale: The new president’s first task will be to assemble a cabinet. I personally hope we get someone with good diplomatic experience (like Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico) as Secretary of State.
n nNick Clark: Call the leaders of every country and tell them that we apologize for 2000-08.
n nTracey Stout: Kick Bush out of the White House.
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