Staffbox | Dumb liquor-law suggestions 

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What dumb liquor-law suggestion can you give to the Utah Legislature? Careful now, they will take you seriously ...

Jeff Reese: Before you can go out drinking, you need to pass a written “drinking test” and get your “drinker license.”

Faith Burnham: Let’s make it even more difficult to enjoy a drink with dinner: put up chain-link fencing between the bar seating and the booths at restaurants.

Jackie Briggs: I purpose that all apple-colored beverages be illegal to consume on Sundays. ‘Cause, I tell you what, the Red Bull-vodkas at Burt’s eff me up!

Stephen Matney: Liquor should only be available in private club restrooms. Otherwise, the children might look through a window and see alcohol being served!

Lindsay Larkin: Driver license, state-issued ID card, Social Security card, birth certificate and notarized letter of consent from drinker’s parent(s) or closest family member are required to get into any alcohol-serving establishment, including restaurants (if family member is notary public, must have notarized by separate party).

Brandon Burt: A mandatory minimum of two drinks for each plastic membership card in a customer’s wallet or purse. This means that, if you belong to six clubs, you must have 12 drinks before any of them will allow you to go home.

Suzie Broshous: Being a recent transplant from Colorado, I would love to see all Utah’s liquor laws be more “normal” (like Colorado’s). But, since that will happen when hell freezes over, for the love of God—bring in some Fat Tire!

Jennifer Higgins: I cannot stand the taste of beer. Please don’t get rid of the “alcopops” from the grocery stores! If I have to go to the liquor store just to get my drink of choice, I’ll end up getting some gin and vodka while I’m there! It will encourage more drinking!

Justin Healy: I think they should outlaw drinking at shows and dance nights. Seriously, why do we need all these kids having a good time?!

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