Eight terrible Father’s Day gifts:
8. An all-expenses-paid trip to meet Mr. Povich on the set of Maury.
7. Any CD produced after 1999.
6. A pre-2000s CD with the note “I found this old-timey disc at a car wash, pops!”
5. A bottle of good single-malt whiskey. He’s earned it after 12 years of sobriety.
4. Sandals without accessorizing socks—what if a formal event comes up?
3. A half-off coupon for the buffet at the strip club … during your shift.
2. A free subscription to your podcast.
1. The budget Back & Crack wax. You couldn’t spring for the Sack for your old man?