Cover story, March 30, "Still Standing"
Unless Utah's political class is stopped, it will execute the most ruthless grab of Native American land by the white power structure since the 19th century.
We must stop Utah politicians from seizing Bears Ears and other public lands that belong to you and me and every other American citizen.
Utah politicians—against the wishes of the vast majority of Utah citizens—are trying to steal national treasures, including habitat for endangered species and other wildlife, vital watersheds, national monuments, ancient petroglyphs and Native American sacred lands to sell and lease to their campaign donors. These donors are a tiny minority of Utah citizens, but they are supported and financed by out-of-state interests. Their campaign donations buy access by ensuring continuing political power for their legislating puppets.
What do the puppeteers want for investing in the political careers of compliant politicians? They want to drill, mine, log and graze national treasures for private profit. They want their puppets to steal the birthright of every American to increase their own corporate profits.
While 60-plus percent of the people of Utah oppose the legislative larceny being pushed by Bishop, Chaffetz, Lee and others, they are opposed by 80-plus percent of the owners of the lands—you, me and every other American citizen.
With the full knowledge that they are acting against the will of the people, Utah politicians plan to pass their larcenous legislation with as little public scrutiny as possible. We can stop them if we throw open the shutters and let the sun shine in.
Private Eye, March 30, ".05 Guide"
What a fine example of exercising a citizen's right to complain, criticize, and log a grievance against one's government. I'm sure the Legislature won't come back to review this, as indicated in a signing statement by the governor, but at least it's nice to know us liquor people are not alone.
You think .05 is bad? I have a commercial drivers license. My limit was .04 already; now I'm a .025. Stop bitching unless you bitch for all of us.
Dean Micheal Halladay
Some of us remember when you needed a special state ID card to purchase booze at the state-run liquor stores. By the way, John, great story about our screwed-up liquor policies.
This town needs an enema, to coin a phrase.
Ignorance is a virtue to these people.
Join us or go to hell, is the Mormon motto.
News, March 30, "Give Them Shelter"
I'm disappointed in many of the residents of the SL Valley. These people are taking NIMBY to new levels.
Straight Dope, March 30, "A TP Tale"
City Weekly sometimes runs "hard news" stories, but many more are informative, like this one. I think it's interesting.
One thing they have in Thailand that I really wish we had here are butt sprayers. After doing one's business, a quick spray cleans away all the offensive material. My nether region never felt cleaner than it felt there.
Thailand got me, too, hooked on water cleansing. In our house, we have a sort of bidet attachment that fits between the toilet and the toilet seat. It was about $100, as I remember, and has both cold and hot water lines running to it, so temp can be adjusted. I like it better than the Thai sprayers, actually.
Most animals are flexible enough to lick their own anuses. This is a time for us to be grateful for our deficiencies.
Must be a slow news day.
The Ocho, March 30, "Eight campaign slogans for Sen. Orrin Hatch's run for an eighth term"
I have one: "Politics made me rich."
How about "Sure, you can buy my vote. How much we talking?"
"Till death do us part."
Phyllis Roberge Mayhew
He hasn't done a damn thing for Utah in years. Why do people keep voting for him? He is a joke in Washington, D.C. Time to get someone else in there. A yes man where Trump is concerned.
Ella Brady Westley
We need to get someone in touch with real life. Vote him out!
Can't he just die already? [He's] the epitome of what's wrong with D.C.
Yeah, seven terms is enough, but he's better than the scourge of filth and perversion that has taken over Salt Lake County. The absolute disgusting putrid garbage known as the progressive left. I'm a classical liberal voting for Hatch.
James Dubin Jr.
Trump's fluffer. Haha, douche bag.
Vincent Sebastian Green
Dining, March 30, "Pho 2.0"
They really are very good. I do always have to specifically ask that all the nasty bits (tendon, blood cake) be included in my bun bo hue. If I don't, they leave it out for the white people.
City Guide 2017
Hey, Salt Lake City! Get out and love your town. <3 Thanks, @CityWeekly.
Hey, this is pretty cool.
Have to have.