Shish Boom Bah 

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Our pages are usually bereft of sports reporting, an area of journalism that we readily concede to the sports wonks at daily newspapers. Though we get requests for sports, as a weekly newspaper, we simply can’t print the type of information that keeps readers coming back day after day. After all, do you want to depend on us for up-to-the-minute betting spreads? Nah. If your son scored the winning touchdown at the homecoming game, you’d want that memory delivered fresh the next day, right?

Well, we don’t even bother. Not to say we don’t have opinions, though. So, in deference to those requests, I thus deliver my own opinion: This region’s college football has sunk so far as to make retrieving it comparable to raising the Bismarck. BYU, Utah, Utah State and Weber State—look at them, their football programs are in such disarray that the only folks happy with that are the owners of local Jock Talk radio stations where the disaffected are listening and calling at an unprecedented pace. Seems like everyone’s pissed at local college football these days. More so than lying governments even.

I don’t know much about Utah State other than former State Representative Steve Barth attended there, and he owes me a drink. As for Weber State, I only know that my friend Pete Sefakis caught seven or ten passes in a game there. Oh, and that Bryan Martin, once the leading passer in the nation for Weber State, used to work for City Weekly and now has a law degree. Other than those oblique connections, my own area of sports vision is strictly limited to the University of Utah and BYU.

So, speaking solely as a Ute fan, it’s tiresome hearing how great we’ll be, only to have those hopes dashed early in each of the past four or five seasons. How come the Ute season climax comes before the snow does? Talk about torture! I sit in Rice-Eccles Stadium among some of the most faithful of Ute fans and the chorus of discontent grows louder with every predictable play, every bonehead mental letdown. You know your program is in trouble when the best-known player on your team is known best for having pictures of the back of his jersey in the paper each week—Andrew Parker burned again on a long-pass play. Playing out of position? So what.

Also as a Ute fan, I readily say that BYU deserves all the grief they currently bear, and then some. Their new coach sure is a confused sort of fellow in my view, not to mention that LaVell Edwards forgot more about quarterbacks than this guy may ever know. But, what would BYU football be without a quarterback controversy? The only thing more rare than not having a quarterback controversy at BYU is a black BYU defensive lineman. Rarer still, a black offensive lineman. At BYU blacks are only fast, not large.

Well, that’s our sports report for the week—maybe for the decade. If you want more such scintillating sports coverage in City Weekly, let me know and I’ll see if Ryan Hatch or Ian Furness can supply it. Chances are very good they care about it more than I do.

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